Thursday, April 11, 2013

Chakravyuh

Customer (C) : Hi, I called to ask about the voice mail function in my new Android phone. There seems to be a problem with activating it.
Google Support (G) : If you go to Settings, there's a voice mail drop down, on which you have to click 'enable'. That should solve your problem.
C : Alrighty, let me hang up and do that.
G : Sorry, you can't hang up.
C : Say what?
G : This is the latest beta feature we are trying out to maximise product usage. When you call Customer care with an Android phone, the call can't be disconnected.
C : Oh yeah? Take this (Clicks 'end call'. Nothing. Tries to turn off the phone. Tries to take out the battery and the sim card. Call still on)
G : We have installed a back up battery and connectivity in the device. I'm sorry, sir. There's nothing you can do to disconnect this call.
C : I don't believe this crap.
G : As I said, it's not a bug really, it's a new feature. Let's take a step back. May I know why you would like to hang up? It's strange that you called Customer care if you were going to hang up after all.
C : Dude, hang up or I'm going to ...I don't even know what I'm going to do.
G : Sorry. I can't hang up. We have to talk now...er...for a while.
C : Oh yeah? What's up then, you frikkin moron? What's UP?
G : I don't know really. What's up with you?
C : This has got to be illegal
G : Not really. But there's a small chance this feature might be revoked with negative customer feedback so we can talk till such time.
C : Can I mail in the feedback?
G : No. You've got to call in.
C : What number?
G : The same one you dialled to get me.
C : Alright, trying that on my other phone.
G : Ok
C : It's busy.
G : Yes. That's because I'm talking to you on that line.
C : Someone save me.
G : Also, you've got to call from your Google phone, which you'll agree is busy presently. We don't take complaints from other numbers.
C : I get billed for this infinite frikkin call?
G : Yes, sir. I think you're seeing the point of this new feature finally.
C : I'm going to break this phone.
G : You can't, really. That's been tried too. But may I interest you in some discounted packages that we have for infinite calls...