'Fartie' wins Whitcap.jr global challenge

The much awaited results of the 'Global app contest' Whitecap.jr ran in over a hundred countries were finally announced yesterday. The app contest, publicised widely on television, posed three challenges for kids under 10 to solve through apps - global hunger, climate change and the energy crisis. Over a lakh entries were received and a jury comprising an elite panel of experts across disciplines took over a month to pick the winner. 

In what came as a surprise to many, Fartie, an app that makes fart noises everytime you click, picked from a databank of over 5 such noises - the brainchild of Rithik, an 8 year old coding prodigy from Mumbai, received the top honour. The top ten entries (all variants of Fartie, in what was an unexpected coincidence), get seed funding to develop their respective fartie apps and work towards a mid-year market launch. 

Spontaneity

CEO deposition

Interviewer : We are here to discuss the termination of Mr. Suresh from the position of CFO at the company. He has raised a grievance both on the act itself and the way it was undertaken. We will ask you some questions now and are recording this conversation.

CEO : Please go ahead

I : You are on video in the company's AGM and several other meetings and events saying "We need a new CFO, someone who is more senior". Doesn't that mean you wanted the incumbent to be terminated?

C : No, where did I say that? I just said we need a new guy.

I : Did you have two CFO positions in mind?

C : No

I : So just the one. And you said you wanted a new guy for the role. That implies the current role-holder would have to go, doesn't it?

C : That is your interpretation.

I : Did you have another role in mind for the current CFO incumbent?

C : No, I did not like the guy

I : So you wanted him out of the company?

C : He was a misfit to our culture. He was too young and not able to perform his function.

I : But that was being looked into by the Board. They had explicitly instructed that he not be terminated while they were looking into your complaint that he was a culture misfit.

C : Yes

I : You still advised HR to terminate him?

C : No, I just advised HR to hire a new guy in his place

I : You knew they would have to fire the incumbent in order to hire a new guy

C : You're just putting words into my mouth. Let me say this once again - I just advised that a new CFO be hired. I'm deeply saddened that Mr. Suresh got terminated in the process - I had no idea he would be terminated - I had no control over this aspect.

HR Head deposition

I : Did you issue the termination letter to Mr. Suresh?

H : No, it was issued by our automated system. We have automated all communications relating to payroll

I : But you would have fed the input and programmed it to send out the letter

H : Yes, I did. I fed in the text and set the date and time for it to be sent to Mr. Suresh

I : So you sent the letter

H : No, the system sent it. You can see the email - it is from the HR system email id, not from me. You would have to catch the software people to trace exactly who was responsible for my instruction being carried out.

- - - - - - 

The enquiry concluded that while it is true that the hiring of a new guy was a conscious act by management, the termination of the incumbent was a spontaneous system-driven act and cannot be traced back to a singular directive or instruction from any of the CXOs

Mari Condo Season 3 opens on Netflx to lukewarm reviews

The cleaning lady is back!
After a well received Season 1 where Condo helps people declutter and Season 2 where she helps them acquire things that spark joy (from her online store Con-Maadi.com), she now helps them declutter again in Season 3 - titled 'Tidying up, again'
In the first episode, she visits Peter and Carol, the couple that she helped tidy up and fill their home with joy-sparking objects from Con-Maadi. Condo soon discovers she has a challenge on her hands - not only does the couple seem distressed, but she finds they are unable to afford basic necessities for their home after their online purchase spree.
Unfazed at the turn of events, Condo dishes out a lesson in the impermanence of things, including joy and helps them not only declutter the Con-Maadi junk but also sell these in black to other Condo fans online in a bid to get their power connection back and buy some sandwiches.
"One should only buy things suitable for the person he is becoming, not for the person he was" Condo says, towards the end."If you are on your way to becoming a poorer person, for example, you should buy cheaper junk from Con-Maadi, not like these folks"
Con-maadi.com meanwhile, has launched a new line of unnecessary premium objects called 'if you've just been condo'ed' meant to fill homes recently decluttered by Condo.

Govt moots NPR bill, receives lukewarm response

The last ray of hope for rioters across the country may have just dimmed a little - the infamous Neo-Penile Review Act (NPR) was mooted by the government today and met with serious opposition among both the parliament and the people at large.
The Act legalises a test for religion which is now considered obsolete in most countries - examination of the penis for marks of circumcision. Though not legal, it has been widely used in India by the major religions to ascertain who are members belonging to their community. The test came in for criticism periodically because of excessive use by communal rioters who proceeded to take violent action on the owner of the penis based on the test results.
In 2021, after sustained protests by some men's activist groups, the penile review test was banned retrospectively - a move that was criticised as regressive and draconian. This was because this effectively criminalised thousands of rioters who had been using the test.
The government, in what is seen as a softening of its stance, has now mooted a Neo-Penile Review bill, which states that a penis exam is a valid test of religion, only if it is used in conjunction with another piece of documentary proof - such as passport form. A penile review by itself is not to be taken as confirmatory. While the bill is silent on the legality aspect, experts have inferred that the test is now legal.
The MP who mooted the bill is optimistic it will be passed. "We will layer some health applications. For example, rioters can screen for prostatitis and other infections - it is just a question of training. They need to be taught to use gloves"
When asked about the plight of the unwilling participants on whom the test would be forced upon, the MP said this was just 'fear psychosis'. "We have kept the documentary proof as a requirement only for this - to protect people against violence - no rioter will conclude just on the basis of this test now". This enthusiasm is not shared by the Opposition parties which have termed this 'one more bureaucratic hassle' which will affect the poorest the most. "Do you know how many people have no documentary proof of religion? What happens to them? Rioters will just decide arbitrarily and innocent people from the rioter's own religion may be harmed", one of the Opposition MPs remarked.

EC refuses to watch Mody biopic

In what may be seen as contempt of SC, EC reiterated its stand that it will not watch the controversial Mody biopic.
"We saw about 10 minutes and had to walk out. Worst film ever" EC Arura said to the press today. "Terrible casting, horrendous acting and I'm only talking about the opening shot. We will appeal to Human Rights if forced to watch this film", he added. Rumours are EC is proposing a complete ban on the film, not just when the model code of conduct is in force, on the grounds that the film does not deserve a release at all. Marquee idol Akshai Kumar is planning a film about the release of this film where he would star in a dual role as Bibek Oberoi and the real Mody.
"Mody is not worried about the Mody biopic. Mody is bigger than that - he does not have the time. Mody asked me once - how are you able to keep up your energy levels at this age and Mody answered that his secret is vandemataram" PM Mody quoted himself as saying. 

Secular trending

We have the following question from an avid reader of this blog
- Shiv Seina Member Sanjai Rawt recently issued a statement as follows - we took 17 minutes to demolish Baburi Masgid - what needed to be done was done in half hour, how long does it take the ruling party to bring the Raam Temple law? 
Any extrapolation technique that would help us answer? - a concerned citizen
Excellent question there. Several assumptions are to be made in this interesting extrapolation problem. We know about 1 lakh folks were there at the site - discounting the free-riders using a general 80-20 principle, 20k folks took 23.5 minutes (taking the average of the two estimates put up by Mr. Rawt) to accomplish the destruction i.e. 470000 man minutes or 7833 man-hours or 325 man-days.
Now armed with this information, we need an estimate for man days needed to bring a temple law as a new legislation. It is well known that breaking a strong mud and stone structure is roughly 60 times as intense as typing, printing, filing and reading i.e. 130 man hours. However, we assume here realistically that the "man" in these "man hours" are the same who performed the earlier activity 26 years back - productivity has to be discounted with age by a 10% factor year on year raising the man hours to 2000. Assuming every single one of these men are by now free 24 by 7 by 365, and let's say about 100 of them are as driven by this new mission as the one 26 years back, we have a final answer of 20 hours which is about 2.5 work days.
The second method of estimating this approximates this as monkeys trying to type out Shakespeare where the answer is known - 3.3 raised to 2 trillion days. It would be prudent to take the mean of these two estimates which leaves us with 3.3 raised to 2 trillion days.
There Mr. Rawt and citizen, we have a rough estimate. Hope this is useful for you to make progress.

Yowgi govt renames conversion as dharmantaran, announces new scheme

Uttar Pradesh Chief Minister Yowgi Nath on Tuesday announced that religious conversion activities will now be known as 'Dharmantaran', while speaking at ‘Deepotsav’, a special event hosted on Diwali eve in the pilgrim town of Ayodhya. The move came three weeks after the BJP-led government changed the name of Allahabad to Prayagraj

'Conversion is an alien term and does not fit into our culture or parampara. The term should be a symbol of our aan aur shaan', he said. He announced a new scheme by which anyone can change his or her name online and download a new aadhaar card. 'I have 3 cards myself as Yama, Niyama and Trishanku', he roared amidst loud cheering

The 87th mistake of my life

Dear All,
Yesterday, in this column, we'd talked about my 86th mistake - the story of the air hostess who I tried to kiss without success. Today we move on to February of the same year, February 14th 2017.
As is the routine in this column, I begin with an apology to the person concerned, persons in this case because I was quite prolific on that date. To keep the overall tally lower, am combining the 3 stories of that date into one, to be known as the 87th.
It began with breakfast. The lady who brought my food to the room asked me to enjoy my breakfast. We all know what that means. But strangely enough, she ran away when I tried to take the initiative. Women can be quite moody, I wrote in my journal.
I was scheduled to give an interview with an online magazine. I had set a calendar reminder to ask them to send me a photo of the interviewer before the interview. The photo came in and seemed of reasonable quality and one cannot be very picky if it's Valentine's day and you don't have a date with anyone other than your own wife.
She came in and I felt a sudden and electric connection, something I hadn't felt in hours - ever since the in room dining lady brought in breakfast that morning.
I gave her copies of my book in the right sequence - half girlfriend (would she be one?), one night at a call centre (what say?), what young india wants (obvious), the girl in room 105 (well, 503 in this case). She brushed off my moves and continued to persist with her irritating line of questioning about my new book. I spoke about the sex in my books and where I got ideas from to write that material. She seemed visibly uncomfortable and I was forced to try to massage her to make her feel better. She got up abruptly and left me alone in the room. She was married. she'd said, but then so was I. I saw this as a fundamental problem of inequality in the country where a man is ready to act on a connection he feels, but a woman is not. So much for women's liberation, I wrote in my journal.
Now when I think back on that day, I guess I was going through a phase in my life. One where I was feeling very attractive but somehow there were no results to show for the same. I continued to go through this phase till around 7 pm, just idly downloading stuff on the hotel wifi while waiting for the special connection to reappear.
The 3rd special connection was over dinner where I tried my luck with the hotel guests at the restaurant, especially two Israeli students who were in India on a holiday. But to no avail, got turned down even by the foreign women. Women really had a long way to go the world over - so much inhibition coming in the way of their progress.
As with my other columns, I again end this with the same plea to the anonymous women featured in today's column - you know who you are - feel free to reach out to me even now if interested (wink) - I have always believed connections last a lifetime.
As usual, I'm running this column past Anisha and the 86 women featured earlier just to make sure they are ok with it.
Till tomorrow then,
~C

It's ok to not have a TED talk

How many of you here have seen a blue monkey? That's 3...4...I see 5 hands. That's at least 3 people. What if I tell you that I first saw a blue monkey when I was 8 years old? Hard to believe, right? It's true.
Anyway, moving on. I come from one of those orthodox families, y'now (snickers from the crowd)...When I was 12, my dad told me something that I still recall vividly. Can't share it though, is a little private. But things got interesting when I turned 13, which was last year. Having been through what has been an absolute rollercoaster of a life, if there is one thing I have learnt, it is this. There are no hardware stores open past midnight in the village. (Hushed whispering)
So...I hailed a taxi last week, and somehow this memory has remained etched in my head. I hailed a taxi and the taxiwala refused. No warning, no pleasantries. Just a shake of the head (smiles). I'm sure this has happened to you as well (loud laughter). I had to take a bus but then that is another story. Little did I know then that this taxi refusal would change the course of my life altogether.
It is little things like this that make up one's weekday, isn't it? And then before you know it, it is the next day and I have to go to school yet again. Unless it is Friday, in which case the next two days would be off. Am sure anyone who has a weekend kinda schedule here would be able to relate to this, right? (Nods all around)
So today, I think back to that day, to that innocent young 13 year old, uncertain about his future, waiting at the bus stop and I would like to tell him just one thing. It can be anything as long as the overall set of things amounts to one - more than that would just confuse him I feel, he's just 13 after all.
And today, I tell you all the same one thing. Live life, look for blue monkeys, die, relive, love, burp, brush, quit your job, dance like no one is listening, get your heart broken, get your liver transplanted on a priority basis. And one day, when all is done, when the storm settles, you just might have your own Ted talk. Thank you all (applause and standing ovation)

ER Stack

Patient (P) gestures that he cannot breathe and passes out. Patient attendant (A) shouts for the nurse (N). Nurse calls in the ER doctor (D).
D (rushing in) : Deploy powerful information platform - STAT!
N : Patient identity layer - loading and...active. Patient payment protocol - Go.
D : Hurry, we don't have much time. Patient's vitals are deteriorating.
N : Biometric and consent platforms : Go.
A : Doctor, what is going on? I can't feel my husband breathe. Please do something
N : Doc, all platforms go. We are on
D : Diglock? Disruptive innovation layer?
N : Check
D (to A) : We are good to go now. We've created this powerful platform right here. You have the whole world at your fingertips. The possibilities are endless.
A : What am I supposed to do?
D : There is no fear. Innovate fearlessly. This is the moment the nation has been waiting for, among others.
A : Is he going to die?
D : ...Our platform lets innovations scale rapidly. We don't suffocate the inventive energies of young people like you. It is completely secure, completely interoperable.
A : His heart has stopped beating. Please DO something!
D : The power is in your hands. We are not a service based ER unlike other hospitals, we are an ER platform. The platform architecture is non-traditional, in other words
A : He is gone, I think
D : I think you got too caught up in the legacy approach, that never works.
A : I'll see you in the court
D : Our APIs don't yet allow for legal innovation, but no harm in dreaming as they say.

Relativism

27th April, 2017

Dear sweet daughter

When I proposed the theory of relativity, very few understood me. I will propose something now that will potentially be of much greater impact and perhaps change the world once again in a profound manner.
I must first ask you to protect this blogpost as long as necessary, until society is in a place where my idea will become acceptable. If digital has not been invented yet, please print this out and keep it somewhere safe.
I know I said a lot of things about forces but I think now that there is only one force, the force of love. Love is light. Love is speed. Love is speed of light.
Love is brownian motion, Love is photovoltaic cells, Love is special theory, Love is general theory, Love is unified field...er...perhaps not yet that, but am on it.
In all my equations I made two simple substitutions. I replaced LHS with LOVE and RHS with LOVE. Love begets Love.
There is as much love in a little boy as in a fat man.
When two twins travel at different speeds also love love love.
I love love. Lovelylovely looove.
Love is awesomeness.
Or maybe I have once again had too much to drink tonight

    Your father Albert Einstein

Tanu mails Manu

Congana : Make yourself comfortable. This is going to take a while
Interviewer : (Not again) Oh? I thought scoops were fast.
Congana : I did promise a scoop but I will tell it as a leettil story. I'll use third person so no one knows I'm talking about myself. There was leettil girl in the forest.
Interviewer : (This was a scoop 2 years back. God, please let it be a different story) Do go on
C : And she fell in love. Isneet a great feeling, this love? She used to imagine a knight in shining armour on a horse. And then one day, she got an email.
I : In the forest.
C : from a fakerithik@hotmail.com and he had signed off as jadoo. Her heart fluttered, she knew who this person was! He would be her knight!
I : What were the contents of the mail?
C : The mail asked the girl to download a .exe file and click and run it. Her comp crashed. But lo and behold! Jadoo's next mail was a wonder. About donating a large sum of money to a Nigerian family in need of support. The girl was overwhelmed. She also went on to win a 50000GBP award from Pepsi, forward a pic to 12 people so she did not die immediately, and when she had won over Jadoo with her commitment to his emails, upload pictures on request.
I : Sounds creepy
C : When she asked to meet him, the mails stopped abruptly and broke her heart. And then one day, she saw him in the forest.
I : How did she know what he looked like?
C : Profile pic. And I can't describe what happened then. Cut to 2 months later. The girl finds her emails in the media. She is hurt. Society was shaming her for her comp's security vulnerabilities. As a feminist icon and the sole inspiration to millions of...er...other girls in forests all over the world, the girl stood up for her rights
I : The forest girl was a feminist icon?
C : Yes. As they say, adversity always brings out the icon-ness of people. Heartbroken but still a picture of dignity and courage, the girl started speaking up for herself, and for women across the globe. Society tried to suppress the truth but she would have none of it, she suppressed it herself. Society labelled her but she changed the labels. From the filth of secrets, she emerged pure and iconic and feministic.
I : Are we done here?
C : And yet, somewhere deep inside her, is a lost little girl from the hills...
I : Forest
C : ...who believes in love, though in a more courageous, exemplary and feministic kinda way. Maybe she is naive, but her naivete also has a certain iconicness to it. If there's one thing the girl learnt from the whole thing, it was...
I : spam filters
C : ...to be her own person. Because other persons were clearly not helping.
I : This has been wonderful, am sure 2 or 3 women reading this will still find a way to be inspired.

5 life lessons I learned from world travel...

I left home last week and have been on the road ever since. Travelling the world has opened my eyes to new realities and realisations. I list here some of them for the benefit of the explorers among you.
1. Income spike
When you decide to quit your job and travel the world, not many people realise that you suddenly start making money out of the blue. Every place you visit, a salary account gets mysteriously opened locally and money starts pouring into it, in local currency. Go on, try it if you don't believe me.
2. Cultural assimilation
You'll be amazed how much of local culture anywhere in the world just consists of taking photos near tourist spots. Selfie with statue of Liberty - you're already half American. Selfie next to Eiffel Tower, you can pass for a French person for a day. I stayed in a hotel in Agra once and the locals started addressing me as Jahan panah the next day. And what better way to learn a new language? I did a succession of daytrips in 2010 which now means I know how to say 'Hi' in 20 languages (15 of which are the same as 'Hi').
3. Perspective change
Ever notice how when you travel and get back home, you are a changed person and don't even realise it? I went to Nagpur once and got a bad stomach bug, as a result of which I went from being a middle-size peaceful bloke to being a thin, cranky person now.
4. Learning who you are
It is ironic that we need to travel out to truly understand who we are. I know now that I'm allergic to stale pudina chutney, for instance, something that even my closest friends wouldn't tell me directly to my face.
5. It's about the people you meet
And finally, travel, like everything else in life, is about the meaningful relationships you strike with interesting people you meet on the way. Like the pilot you never see, who tells you the altitude and temperature, mid-flight. Like the housekeeping lady at the hotel who says 'housekeeping' twice outside your door and then leaves. Like the pilot on the way back who...and so on.
So what are you waiting for? Pack your bag and be on your way. Here's to more world-travel induced life lessons!

Open letter to Hon' PM

Sir
We might have many differences of opinion but I admire your courage in carrying out these surgical strikes.
These have struck fear into Pagistan's heart and their reaction, as expected, is to deny that these attacks ever happened. They are taking journalists from CCB and NNC to the LOC to the exact same spots where you 'say' the attacks have happened and then demonstrating that no such damage is visible. Though I agree with them whole-heartedly, I think it's time for you to take these propagandists head-on.
My suggestion is that for the next round of attacks, you send me a confidential map of the spots where strikes are planned and the expected times of the attacks. I will ratify these and send to the Pag army chief, at least one week in advance.
If we give them adequate time to prepare their army as well as the Loshkar Tauba and Jash Mohammed so that they are able to martyr all our brave soldiers, they will really have no chance to crib later on. This would be a real slap in the face for Pagistan.
If you do not follow this and continue to carry out surprise strikes across the LoC and that too in dim light, I can only say, as a friend, that India will be isolated globally for attacking innocent terrorists and stopping them from doing things they really enjoy.

Yours Truly
Arbind Kejrawal

Ameer Khan proposes solution to Cashmere issue, irks everyone

On the eve of the release of his new film Daangal, superstar Ameer Khan called a press conference to read out from a neatly typed out essay titled 'If I were Prime Minister', probably borrowed from his kids' homework assignment. He went on to propose a unique solution to the Cashmere issue, involving physically breaking the state and transporting it to South India where it would be safer. 'I'm sure my friends Donaald Tramp, S.Ar.K, Salmaan, Rakhi Savant, Husain Bolt, Moe Pharah, Sunni Leon will all agree', he said, in an attempt to move up on Google Search results.
The news media reacted fast and he's slated to appear on 15 talk shows this evening to discuss his new idea. 'This has nothing to do with Daangal. Just thought of sharing my views as a citizen two days before the movie's release' he added. Meanwhile, Irfan Khaan, who had previously raised a storm over his comments on animal sacrifice in the run-up to Madari's release, is on the look out for an Islam related topic he can speak on, to promote his next movie - he invites topic suggestions at khantroversy@hotmail.com

Chaos reigns as !amil Nad and pauseBihar spar over first slot at Inter State Council Meet

Deedi would not have seen this coming. Fully expecting to be in the first 5 speaking slots the Bongal CM made her way to the Inter State Council only to discover that Bongal was relegated to last place in the list once again.
In a flurry of announcements that came in last evening that she clearly missed, 25 states proposed changes in their names - only Assam, Arunachal, Andhra abstained from seeking a change. Aajasthan was pipped to be the clear winner before two states pulled out a rabbit from the proverbial hat, getting an approval to using special characters.
The Chair of the Interstate council has called for a special meeting at midnight to decide which of !amil Nad and 'spacebar' Bihar, nicknamed pauseBihar, will begin proceedings.

Insight

"Our survey indicates that there is no demand for xyz services in this region. Only 12% indicated interest in accessing...er...you are smiling because?"
Here it comes, what would probably be the poorest quality evidence ever offered in any situation - 100% anecdotal, and possibly an imaginary anecdote at that.
"Boss, let me tell you a story..."
Data, take five. You aren't needed for now.
"...I was travelling through a village near Bombay..."
Which one? Pune? Lavassa?
"...We stopped for chai. And you know me, I'm always learning, looking to learn. I caught some youngster near the tapri"
Representative sample.
"and you know what happened next? Boss, I'm telling you, we think we know everything because we have all these surveys and all this data. But reality is different. We have no idea."
Let me guess, you asked him "Pune, how far?"
"...I asked him a simple question. Deceptively simple. 'Who do you like?' Simple, that is it, that was my question"
The unexpected and revelatory answer that is somehow worth more than a statistically valid survey is...drum roll...
"He looked me in the eye. He didn't flinch"
Arghh, out with it already
"Honey Singh. Not Shahrukh, Not Salman. Honey Singh, boss. Simple and straight."
Now, invalid extrapolation to all villages and then to all demographic groups...
"Indian village youth know Honey Singh, boss! Ten years back, imagine something like this happening. Villagers wouldn't even be able to reply. You know what that means?"
Followed by invalid generalised trend...
"Indian villages are changing. They are aware, more aware than you and me. Your surveys don't mean anything, they aren't capturing the ground reality"
Yes, clearly, being conducted as they were by un-aware or less aware non-fans of Honey Singh.
And finally invalid drill-down from general trend to specific point in question...
"They have aspiration, boss, they want xyz services"
Turns to the one dumb nodding person in the room who is convinced by the Honey Singh episode
"Honey Singh" and a shake of the head, "Imagine that"
Imagine, indeed.

Tonie D Souza reverses Sarapova's two year ban

D Souza, director of tainted ex-cricketer Azhaar's biopic, today released a short 3 hour film 'Marie' he's made on Marie Sarapova, starring Prachie Desai in the titular role. The film has 2 thrilling minutes of tennis action out of the 180, and covers Marie's love life in all its lurid detail and then some. Marie is seen singing Hindi songs in Switzerland and Ooty with two of her beaus Robert and Peter (Imran Hashmi in a double role) and Prachie's fancy footwork is reminiscent of the real Sarapova at Wimbledon.
It is at the fateful final of Ooty Open, however, that Gulshan Grover, playing the role of her coach, gives her an 'energy drink' with an evil laugh. Now that Director Souza has clarified the real sequence of events through this hardhitting film, WTA is expected to release a formal apology and reverse the ban on the real Sarapova by tomorrow morning.
This is the second coup that D Souza would have pulled off, the earlier one being an apology from BCCI to Azhaar when D Souza's biopic was submitted as crucial evidence in a re-opened 1996 matchfixing case.

Open letter to my young PJU friends

Dear young PJU friends,

Our nation is faced with a threat. A threat that is somehow generic, subtle and evil at the same time, one that escapes definition except via rhetoric. 

Today I salute your courage for having chosen to fight this unequal battle against injustice, rationality and dictatorship. 

The coming few months are not going to be easy. You will be targeted by the same non-specific forces. They will not leave any stone unturned in trying to extract specificity and logic from your speeches. They will try to humiliate you by asking you if you have anything concrete to say. Clarity has always been the last resort of the oppressor. Every effort will be made to wean you away from vague melodrama and even force you to attend to your coursework for the only reason that you are still students. Do not fall prey to these forces.

You are the torchbearers of our collective hope and the future of our country, or what is left of it once you take charge. Your educational background in subaltern studies and postmodern Kenya is starkly relevant to contemporary India. And your idea of separate nation states wherever there are insurgent(s) is amazing. 

As the lyricist Sameer once famously wrote

dil dil dil dil main tere pyar me khoya main saari raat na soya main kya karoon

Do not sleep, my young friends, till you win back the broad hazy sense of freedom that you so love.

Long live the revolution

Another bahut krantikari

The man whose wife didn't know English

Subtitles
Ramanujam (in English) : My little darling wife Janaki, how wonderful these numbers, how profound their meaning...
Janaki (in Tamil) : What's wrong with you? What language are you yapping in?
R : Why, my dear, it is Tamil, of course. Don't you see how sing-songy I'm being? And so full of quaint phrases. It has got to be Tamil, my little heart.
J : (Oh crap, we must be in a Hollywood movie again) I have no idea what you're on about. Is that English you're speaking?
R : Of course not, my love, how profound the stars above. As if Goddess Kaalilakshmi's blessings adorned the saree of the nightsky...
J : (This is probably the TB hitting his brain) Er...By the way, if we're newly married, aren't I like 10 years old now?
R : My sour little sweetheart, look at the heavens. Look at this little tree, it has 3 leaves. 3 is such a beautiful number. Oh Janaki, Oh Janaki. How beautiful these things. The weather is pretty good, maybe we should do an animal sacrifice or two and call the snake charmers for a quick round of black tea and scones. How I love speaking in my mother tongue Tamil. Oh Tamil, how identical you are to English, if not for the singsonginess and the weirdness.