What do you want from me? I can't help you out. I'm also pretty sure nobody can. Unless you want cliches about time healing your wounds, if you have lost someone in the attacks. Or about how you are in a peaceful place at least now, if you died.
Do condolences help you? You are either my half-acquaintance, my friend's friend, or someone I saw on TV or someone I don't know or have heard of. I can express my condolences. And I can adorn it with adjectives. I don't think I should call you or meet you because I don't think you would want to meet anybody. I can't get myself to email you because I can't find the right words. Everything sounds shallow. It's unfair in a way. What words match death in depth? I think about chucking the idea. Unexpressed condolences are also condolences.
I want to donate blood. Some of you are alive and injured and may need blood. The queues to donate in the hospital are long. My blood group is a common group and will probably not be required. Maybe I should still go across and give it a shot. But there are likely to be security problems and they probably won't let me in the area. I guess I won't go. Maybe I should volunteer. These hospital websites aren't loading. For good reason-people are checking about their missing family members. I decide not to overload the website traffic. And volunteer as what? I don't want to counsel you. If I were in your place, god forbid - sorry, I doubt if counseling would work. My effectively rationalising mind finds a way through most messes. Maybe this time there's a subtle difference in that I came closer to doing something. This coming closer to action is something I owe you.
I can't seem to get back to normal work. I hate news but I'm still addicted to it. My mind is clouded. I'm not particularly sad or angry, just in a haze. Also frustrated. How can these news sites be updated every 5 seconds, I ask myself rationally, but my hands seem to be on their own trip, refreshing, refreshing, refreshing the page. The pity is I can't even read an entire article, even ones I start with immense interest. Who gives a damn? What does death have to do with foreign policy? I get back to drafting an appropriate email to a half-acquaintance, again in vain. These idle hours in the office are not constructive in any way. These hours are because of you and so they are for you.
I'd have preferred donating a part of my salary to buy these policemen vests that are actually bullet-proof. There is probably a government budget for this, it's just not being utilised. I have paid my taxes. I present to you my bullshitty 'it's the government's job' argument but I also know that it's only as useless to you as a monetary donation. The only difference is that I would have felt like I had done something concrete in the latter case but then this isn't about me.
What else can I do? Do you really care if I vote or participate in rallies? Nothing works here. I'm just hanging around waiting for the next round. I empathise with the common people of J&K and for a brief moment, also feel patriotic concern about the whole country turning into a security-less state. We can probably adjust to that as well. 'Normalcy' can be a constantly shifting state and more and more uniforms will figure in our daily lives. I share your despondency and I shake my head when you do and say, as you do, that the dead aren't coming back. And we are all done for. I will probably agree to everything you say, which is not good for you. I should stay away.
People are suddenly nicer, and I think that will last for a week. The other noises by temporarily vigilant citizens and temporarily active government officials will probably die out in two. Your loss (or going away) is having an effect. You are in my head as well, along with a feeling of inadequacy, a kind of intense helplessness. If I were stronger or if this were the first time, this would have made me do something, or try to do something. I know better now and just vent. My time and with it, my incoherent writing is dedicated to your loss. It's not anything but I really have nothing else.
Monday, December 1, 2008
Have faith in bullshit - Dy CM tells Mumbai
'A prolonged period of bullshit was effective in countering terrorism after the train blasts of '06. We should stick to the same formula', Dy CM, R Tapil said today in a press conference. 'We must also strengthen our army, navy, schools, hospitals, citizens and families. We cannot afford to sit back. We must act. This is not the time to not act. Or sit back, as I mentioned. Action is very important. We have already heard a lot of talk, I'm sorry to say' he said, visibly disturbed.
'Mumbaikars have a different sort of rage now. They want action. The previous time they were just angry enough for inaction to also be a possible course but not this time' added MP Doera.
Mumbai, the golden haired cocker spaniel of a city that it is, limped back to normal like a sick cow that's spread its legs too many times. It is a sleeping giant of a cosmos with a plethora of castes, animals, flyovers, religions and suburbs and at times seems like a starry night sky only to be spoilt by a supernova. It is a resilient rubber band, a mother to all dreamers, free as a fiddle.
Huge crowds were spotted around the attack-sites, cheering the squads and not allowing them to do any of their mopping-up work. ' We want peace, not war. North and South are the same' shouted one activist as he threw himself on one of the military personnel trying to defuse a grenade, creating some moments of tense confusion.
Meanwhile, an email written by a attacker locked in at the hotel, to IIS of Pakishtan was intercepted yesterday with the text 'need approval to use minibar stop ran out of badam stop' This was flatly denied by the Pakishtani government that said, in an official release ' We have always maintained that the people we send to work on Indian assignments are of a top-notch quality, much unlike these morons'.
The Hujahideen has sent details of its next target and the detailed plan of action for sourcing the explosives, training the personnel and so on, to the Inteligence Bureau. 'They have given us a year's notice this time. We have enough time to buy metal-tipped lathis for the policemen in the targeted area. Also the entire station is to be re-painted and this kind of reform is bound to be a slap in the face of such terrorists' said a senior official.
Filmmaker Ramgopalverrma has been invited by the state government to take on the mantle of chief investigator in the attacks and the investigation is expected to be complete abruptly in two hours and be released in five languages.
Media and news agencies have been busy trying to contact the families of the dead for comments.
Disclaimer : Just venting frustration. Willing to remove post if found insensitive.
'Mumbaikars have a different sort of rage now. They want action. The previous time they were just angry enough for inaction to also be a possible course but not this time' added MP Doera.
Mumbai, the golden haired cocker spaniel of a city that it is, limped back to normal like a sick cow that's spread its legs too many times. It is a sleeping giant of a cosmos with a plethora of castes, animals, flyovers, religions and suburbs and at times seems like a starry night sky only to be spoilt by a supernova. It is a resilient rubber band, a mother to all dreamers, free as a fiddle.
Huge crowds were spotted around the attack-sites, cheering the squads and not allowing them to do any of their mopping-up work. ' We want peace, not war. North and South are the same' shouted one activist as he threw himself on one of the military personnel trying to defuse a grenade, creating some moments of tense confusion.
Meanwhile, an email written by a attacker locked in at the hotel, to IIS of Pakishtan was intercepted yesterday with the text 'need approval to use minibar stop ran out of badam stop' This was flatly denied by the Pakishtani government that said, in an official release ' We have always maintained that the people we send to work on Indian assignments are of a top-notch quality, much unlike these morons'.
The Hujahideen has sent details of its next target and the detailed plan of action for sourcing the explosives, training the personnel and so on, to the Inteligence Bureau. 'They have given us a year's notice this time. We have enough time to buy metal-tipped lathis for the policemen in the targeted area. Also the entire station is to be re-painted and this kind of reform is bound to be a slap in the face of such terrorists' said a senior official.
Filmmaker Ramgopalverrma has been invited by the state government to take on the mantle of chief investigator in the attacks and the investigation is expected to be complete abruptly in two hours and be released in five languages.
Media and news agencies have been busy trying to contact the families of the dead for comments.
Disclaimer : Just venting frustration. Willing to remove post if found insensitive.
Monday, November 17, 2008
Profundity
'Should I go via flyover or Pedder Road?'
'Whichever route is quicker'
'No no, beta. These sort of things don't make a difference to me. In my entire life, I have always believed that this is a matter of business. The meter is on, so whatever is your wish shall be the route. It is right no? You understand, no, the concept?...blah blah '
Uh Oh. The profound cabbie syndrome. And this was a long cab ride. To someone who can go from geography to one's world-view in two seconds as demonstrated above, thirty minutes was a lifetime.
'OK. JJ then'
'Where do you live?'
'Colaba'
'Yeah, thought so. I took one look and I knew that you had to be in that area'
Genius.
'Your parents? Are you married?'
'My parents are not in Colaba. I'm not married'
Talking about where my parents were would have led to a flurry of questions. I thought I'd stick to Colaba and be done with it.
'Parents are everything but marriage is also important. What is man? What thing is man. It's funny sometimes.'
Maybe I should just get out and take the train. People rarely bother others in a train other than to pick up fights which are generally uncomplicated and short-lived.
'When my father was in the village, he used to say to me. Do things but do them honestly. Whatever one does, one should do well. It can be anything.'
'Does your cab have a radio?'
'I look at these new taxi drivers and I feel sad. What? No. There is no radio. So these new taxi drivers. They don't respect. That's the problem'
Where is my i-pod when I need it?
'But God is there. God never lets one down'
This is a topic that could expand exponentially and become a gigantic time-bubble that would fill up every second of the rest of the ride many times over. I had to intervene before things got...er...deeper.
'Where are you from?'
'Me? A small village called Misapur about 53 km...blah'
A detailed description of the place. How to get there. The cheapest way to get there. How many times he has been there in the last ten years. I gradually switched off.
'...Marriage works only when the woman is good'
Hell. How did he get back there from Misapur?
'You should get married. Don't mistake me. I always speak whatever I feel. I speak from the heart. I think one should always speak the truth. You will end up with enemies. Isn't it? Hahahaha'
'Haha...haha' I laughed lamely. I guess I didn't want to mess around with a profound cabbie especially when he was talking about enemies. Also silence, I noticed, only tended to make him repeat himself till he got an appropriate reaction.
'What does one have after all? I ask you. This money etc. Can you take it when you die?'
I got the feeling his meter didn't exactly share this nonchalance about money.
'Is your meter good?'
'It is a pukka meter. I don't do such things. In my entire life I have always blah blah'
I had my doubts. Meanwhile, an angry silence replaced the friendly banter. Five minutes. Ten minutes. Destination approaching. Phew. Stop.
'Pay as much as you want, since you don't trust me'
Awww. 'OK. I pay 200 bucks usually. Here'
'How can you do such as thing? Your home will be ruined, I tell you'
'220? take it or leave it'
Takes it but the tirade continues.
'How can you be like this? All this for 30 rupees.' Drives off in a huff.
Must explain why Mumbaiites still queue up to buy cars knowing they will never touch 20 kmph.
'Whichever route is quicker'
'No no, beta. These sort of things don't make a difference to me. In my entire life, I have always believed that this is a matter of business. The meter is on, so whatever is your wish shall be the route. It is right no? You understand, no, the concept?...blah blah
Uh Oh. The profound cabbie syndrome. And this was a long cab ride. To someone who can go from geography to one's world-view in two seconds as demonstrated above, thirty minutes was a lifetime.
'OK. JJ then'
'Where do you live?'
'Colaba'
'Yeah, thought so. I took one look and I knew that you had to be in that area'
Genius.
'Your parents? Are you married?'
'My parents are not in Colaba. I'm not married'
Talking about where my parents were would have led to a flurry of questions. I thought I'd stick to Colaba and be done with it.
'Parents are everything but marriage is also important. What is man? What thing is man. It's funny sometimes.'
Maybe I should just get out and take the train. People rarely bother others in a train other than to pick up fights which are generally uncomplicated and short-lived.
'When my father was in the village, he used to say to me. Do things but do them honestly. Whatever one does, one should do well. It can be anything.'
'Does your cab have a radio?'
'I look at these new taxi drivers and I feel sad. What? No. There is no radio. So these new taxi drivers. They don't respect. That's the problem'
Where is my i-pod when I need it?
'But God is there. God never lets one down'
This is a topic that could expand exponentially and become a gigantic time-bubble that would fill up every second of the rest of the ride many times over. I had to intervene before things got...er...deeper.
'Where are you from?'
'Me? A small village called Misapur about 53 km...blah'
A detailed description of the place. How to get there. The cheapest way to get there. How many times he has been there in the last ten years. I gradually switched off.
'...Marriage works only when the woman is good'
Hell. How did he get back there from Misapur?
'You should get married. Don't mistake me. I always speak whatever I feel. I speak from the heart. I think one should always speak the truth. You will end up with enemies. Isn't it? Hahahaha'
'Haha...haha' I laughed lamely. I guess I didn't want to mess around with a profound cabbie especially when he was talking about enemies. Also silence, I noticed, only tended to make him repeat himself till he got an appropriate reaction.
'What does one have after all? I ask you. This money etc. Can you take it when you die?'
I got the feeling his meter didn't exactly share this nonchalance about money.
'Is your meter good?'
'It is a pukka meter. I don't do such things. In my entire life I have always blah blah'
I had my doubts. Meanwhile, an angry silence replaced the friendly banter. Five minutes. Ten minutes. Destination approaching. Phew. Stop.
'Pay as much as you want, since you don't trust me'
Awww. 'OK. I pay 200 bucks usually. Here'
'How can you do such as thing? Your home will be ruined, I tell you'
'220? take it or leave it'
Takes it but the tirade continues.
'How can you be like this? All this for 30 rupees.' Drives off in a huff.
Must explain why Mumbaiites still queue up to buy cars knowing they will never touch 20 kmph.
Monday, November 3, 2008
GWBush re-elected for a record third time
The US elections took a bizarre turn as the results started coming in today. The fake Tabilan tapes that were released yesterday by BS-TV seem to have brought back memories for the American public as they voted for the current incumbent GWBush who didn't figure in the list of candidates. People just wrote his name and a tick by the side. Obam and Mccane were unavailable for comment.
'We love GWBush's stance on the amount of mayonnaise that should go into a subway sandwich. He is my choice for president of the world', slurred one half-drunk voter, leaving the world wondering if GWBush is a well thought-out choice. However, the voting percentage stood at an all-time high of 4% leaving no room for doubt that GWB and the accompanying bad policies and recession are indeed the people's choice. ' We don't want change. We just want a president we can identify with' said another voter, ' and to be fair, I think he will smoke out Obama (sic) from his hide-out this time around'
'We love GWBush's stance on the amount of mayonnaise that should go into a subway sandwich. He is my choice for president of the world', slurred one half-drunk voter, leaving the world wondering if GWBush is a well thought-out choice. However, the voting percentage stood at an all-time high of 4% leaving no room for doubt that GWB and the accompanying bad policies and recession are indeed the people's choice. ' We don't want change. We just want a president we can identify with' said another voter, ' and to be fair, I think he will smoke out Obama (sic) from his hide-out this time around'
Friday, September 19, 2008
Don't care about novel contract : Repulsive represser
Rohit Dev looks like any other 25 year old Mumbaikar. But it is a different story altogether on blogosphere, where he's made a brand for himself. Readers (all four of them) will know him better as the repulsive represser (repulsiverepresser.blogspot.com) a blogger who's shocked the online world through the generally inane and downright dull material on his blog.
'I didn't realise my blog would actually be read by others - I just started writing online instead of my daily journal' he says modestly. 'There was this girl I used to stalk in college who came up with the name. I took an immediate liking to it and I knew instinctively that it would strike a chord with the youth of today'
With 4 hits and 2 profile views in two years, strike a chord the blog has certainly done.
'Desire- the root of all evil is probably the post that everyone enjoyed. I personally also like You are your own moral police' says Rohit.
'How does it feel to have lost out on a novel contract with India's most respected publishing companies?', I prod,'My platonic experiences sounds like a winner to me - what were the grounds on which it was rejected?'
He considers this question before answering.
'I don't really care. It is very sad that publishers are driven entirely by market forces. I heard just yesterday that the compulsive confectioner's got a million dollar advance to write a full length novel about how she used chocolate coated sex toys to build a spaceship for a 3rd standard science project. I do admit that I find the contents of her blog educational but a full-length novel?' he trails off.
'I didn't realise my blog would actually be read by others - I just started writing online instead of my daily journal' he says modestly. 'There was this girl I used to stalk in college who came up with the name. I took an immediate liking to it and I knew instinctively that it would strike a chord with the youth of today'
With 4 hits and 2 profile views in two years, strike a chord the blog has certainly done.
'Desire- the root of all evil is probably the post that everyone enjoyed. I personally also like You are your own moral police' says Rohit.
'How does it feel to have lost out on a novel contract with India's most respected publishing companies?', I prod,'My platonic experiences sounds like a winner to me - what were the grounds on which it was rejected?'
He considers this question before answering.
'I don't really care. It is very sad that publishers are driven entirely by market forces. I heard just yesterday that the compulsive confectioner's got a million dollar advance to write a full length novel about how she used chocolate coated sex toys to build a spaceship for a 3rd standard science project. I do admit that I find the contents of her blog educational but a full-length novel?' he trails off.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Vast gaps in intelligence : PM
Under attack for the way national security has been handled, Prime Minister Singgh on Wednesday admitted that there were indeed vast gaps in intelligence in the system, at the concluding day of the two-day Conference being held at Vidhan Bhavan.
"There is no question about the government being soft on terrorism," Mr. Singgh started. After a pause, he added, 'It's not rhetorical. I'm actually asking you guys. How come there's no question about the government being soft on terrorism? That's a pleasant surprise'
"There is no question about the government being soft on terrorism," Mr. Singgh started. After a pause, he added, 'It's not rhetorical. I'm actually asking you guys. How come there's no question about the government being soft on terrorism? That's a pleasant surprise'
'I think this is the time for tougher laws governing terrorist acts. As is obvious, these bombers are obviously not following any of the laws we painstakingly enact from time to time. The solution is not better terrorists - it is better laws.'
'I have always felt this big gap in intelligence in our political system. For instance, I always thought I was hugely smarter than Mamata' he said, 'Lately, the gap has become so wide that people just don't seem to understand what I'm saying'
Nowhere is this gap in intelligence felt more than between the people conducting the serial blasts and those who are supposed to prevent it. In a clandestine IQ test held recently, the Indian Hujahideen outperformed the Intelligence Bureau by more than 50% sparking widespread changes in blast-policy. The terrorist outfit immediately released a note to the press giving away detailed notes of where blasts have been planned over the next 10 years. 'Now that we know these chaps are slow, it's only fair that we give them time to study the drawings and the plan. It's no fun otherwise.' a masked spokesperson said.
Other parties expressed similar sentiments as the PM except Gaj Thawkre's SNM, Mumbai. 'We need legislation to get these plans in Marathi and French so that my son and I can go through these' said a visibly embarrassed Gaj Thawkre, when asked about his views.
Monday, September 1, 2008
Review for sale
Good movie : Bad review :
These are easy to write. The following tips will help
1. Expectation mismatch : You know that Amir Khan is the creator of this piece and you walk into the theater expecting the world. The outcome though is far from satisfying and you leave a disappointed soul,
2. Random historical references : still searching for the same magic as say ' Rangeela' or even 'Raakh' where the man displayed a shrewd understanding of his audience. This is not to say
3. Disclaimers : that the movie is not without noble intent. It does have its moments but the message just gets lost along the way.
Bad movie : Good review : This is dicey because people will be out for your skin once you make them blow 300 bucks to watch some shit in a multiplex.
1. Insignificant details : Kiran Kher just oozes screen presence in the 30 second role she has. It is a short cameo admittedly but she just lights up the screen, reminding us of
2. Compare with old but hit crap : Mithoonda's Disko dancer. If you want to
3. Glorify the unadulteratedness of the nonsense : leave your brains behind and enjoy 3 hours of pure meaningless harmless fun, this is right up your alley. The director wants to have fun and makes no bones about it. This supremely over-indulgent
4. More detail, exaggeration : movie has perhaps the best right-hand-slapping-left-cheek scene ever in the history of Indian cinema when Kiran lovingly thrashes the hero.
example : http://www.rediff.com/movies/2008/aug/08singh1.htm
Can't think of an example for the first category, can you?
These are easy to write. The following tips will help
1. Expectation mismatch : You know that Amir Khan is the creator of this piece and you walk into the theater expecting the world. The outcome though is far from satisfying and you leave a disappointed soul,
2. Random historical references : still searching for the same magic as say ' Rangeela' or even 'Raakh' where the man displayed a shrewd understanding of his audience. This is not to say
3. Disclaimers : that the movie is not without noble intent. It does have its moments but the message just gets lost along the way.
Bad movie : Good review : This is dicey because people will be out for your skin once you make them blow 300 bucks to watch some shit in a multiplex.
1. Insignificant details : Kiran Kher just oozes screen presence in the 30 second role she has. It is a short cameo admittedly but she just lights up the screen, reminding us of
2. Compare with old but hit crap : Mithoonda's Disko dancer. If you want to
3. Glorify the unadulteratedness of the nonsense : leave your brains behind and enjoy 3 hours of pure meaningless harmless fun, this is right up your alley. The director wants to have fun and makes no bones about it. This supremely over-indulgent
4. More detail, exaggeration : movie has perhaps the best right-hand-slapping-left-cheek scene ever in the history of Indian cinema when Kiran lovingly thrashes the hero.
example : http://www.rediff.com/movies/2008/aug/08singh1.htm
Can't think of an example for the first category, can you?
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