watering the plants
on the highway
of my soul
in these lonely times
and not that many rhymes
she was like a bad poem
she was like a bad poem
she was like a bad poem
my heart skipping
and my mind skipping
and using identical words
as rhyming words
sunshine was my life
but she was a star
i miss her now
thinking about you
which makes it three people in this poem, technically
feeling the pain
my mind is numbing
am falling about you
there is nobody to pick
the pieces of me
loving this naked sun
and the crumbling earth
and the mooney moon
mooney mooney moon moon moon
lying in this bed
i think of you again
thinking thinking blogging
lonely woods beckon
the treasure at the end
could be you
but i wish you weren't
in a box
come back to me
i'm dying bit by bit
am chained to my fate
birds fly in the forest
of my fate
somebody save me
take me away
the least you could do
is take my net access away
Friday, July 31, 2009
Monday, July 27, 2009
'My attack was not racist': Aussie released
Rodney Stuart, the baseball bat-wielding Aussie goon, now famous for his serial attacks on Indian settlers, was released by the Melbourne State Court yesterday after a valiant five minute testimony.
'How was the attack racist? I didn't target Indians. I roughed up five people in the mall that day and I'm pretty sure there were some Pakis and others too' Rod slurred 'Hell, I see brown skin, I go maaaaaaaaad'
The judge, also vaguely of Indian origin, admitted this plea and said that the attack was unbiased and hence could not be called illegal in the strict sense. He let Rodney off with a stern warning 'Rodney, dude, if I see you near my house, I'll throw you in jail'
'How was the attack racist? I didn't target Indians. I roughed up five people in the mall that day and I'm pretty sure there were some Pakis and others too' Rod slurred 'Hell, I see brown skin, I go maaaaaaaaad'
The judge, also vaguely of Indian origin, admitted this plea and said that the attack was unbiased and hence could not be called illegal in the strict sense. He let Rodney off with a stern warning 'Rodney, dude, if I see you near my house, I'll throw you in jail'
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Mahim-Mahim Sea link open : Will take you to same place in 20 min flat
Starting today, you will be able to spend an extra 20 minutes on your way to office for no particular reason. MSDRC's unique solution to traffic snarls in Mahim - the 3000 cr, sprawling Mahim-Mahim Sea Link project, is being inaugurated today. The Sea link diverts traffic away from Sawarkar Marg, takes it away on a U-shaped road into the sea and straight back on to Sawarkar Marg. It's mandatory for odd and even numbered vehicles to take this detour on alternate days.
'It was an exhilarating experience', says Vineet, who tried the road this morning,'I re-entered the road from the sea link at 20kmph, skidded straight on and banged into the wall on the opposite side and am in Mahim police station now'. Mahim police have registered 300 such cases in the first 3 hours since the opening.
Urban Studies professor, Dr. Sawant sees this as the first step in the creation of marine suburbs in Mumbai, where travellers stuck in a jam for days together, turn the road into a colony and start living on it. The channa/moongphali vendors and mini-CCD that are already on the sea link tell us that this day is not far.
'It was an exhilarating experience', says Vineet, who tried the road this morning,'I re-entered the road from the sea link at 20kmph, skidded straight on and banged into the wall on the opposite side and am in Mahim police station now'. Mahim police have registered 300 such cases in the first 3 hours since the opening.
Urban Studies professor, Dr. Sawant sees this as the first step in the creation of marine suburbs in Mumbai, where travellers stuck in a jam for days together, turn the road into a colony and start living on it. The channa/moongphali vendors and mini-CCD that are already on the sea link tell us that this day is not far.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Why should consent be mutual? : Mrs Tiney
Wife of alleged rapist, Mrs Tiney today asked the press to fight for her husband who according to her has become a soft target for everyone. 'The other day there was this cabbie who charged him 200 bucks to go from the airport to Bandra. My husband's mild nature has made him a target' she said. When asked about his confession, she said they had been advised by their lawyer to pretend that never happened.
'He is not denying that the incident took place. All we are saying is that he gave his consent to it. That's how it works at our place. Some days I have a headache and he gives his consent and some days he is tired and I give mine. I don't understand what this mutual thing is' she added.
Meanwhile Batt films is planning a re-release of Tiney's earlier films with a tagline 'now based on a true incident'
'He is not denying that the incident took place. All we are saying is that he gave his consent to it. That's how it works at our place. Some days I have a headache and he gives his consent and some days he is tired and I give mine. I don't understand what this mutual thing is' she added.
Meanwhile Batt films is planning a re-release of Tiney's earlier films with a tagline 'now based on a true incident'
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Tareek pe tareek
Judge : Hain? Who do you want now as your defense lawyer?
Qazab : Arre that 'Damini' lawyer whatsisname. Suny Deol. Masth he is.
J : This is not some movie.
Q : (laughs heartily) I also want Kashmiri Pulao and Paneer Tikka on Fridays.
J : If you don't stop speaking now, I will have to rule...
Q : My laptop hangs a lot. I need some more RAM. Also the artillery I asked for to plan my escape is coming coming coming always but never reaches. I need softer bath towels, rainshower fitting, that coloured gel toothpaste, also some new stock (winks). Sorry Judge saab, I'm having to list everything here but nothing gets done in jail.
J : Er...let's get back to the trial. How old are you?
Q : When the trial started, I'm not sure, I have to see your records. But I'm now 16.
J : That means you were 10 years old when the attacks happened.
Q : (smiles) What attacks? I need some music in the cell. Also that weekend farmhouse cell in Khandala is maintained very poorly. My A/C's not working properly and...
J : Shadthefkup. Prosecutor, would you like to summarise?
Prosecutor : I have a suggestion, your honour. This trial is costing us crores to run. All my witnesses are hostile or dead. We should just let this one go.
Q : Mad or what? I refuse. I did not even agree to shifting to another jail in the same city 3 years back. I'll get creamed if I go out in the open.
J : Hmm. Now that's a promising idea. Let me think about it. Adjourned.
Qazab : Arre that 'Damini' lawyer whatsisname. Suny Deol. Masth he is.
J : This is not some movie.
Q : (laughs heartily) I also want Kashmiri Pulao and Paneer Tikka on Fridays.
J : If you don't stop speaking now, I will have to rule...
Q : My laptop hangs a lot. I need some more RAM. Also the artillery I asked for to plan my escape is coming coming coming always but never reaches. I need softer bath towels, rainshower fitting, that coloured gel toothpaste, also some new stock (winks). Sorry Judge saab, I'm having to list everything here but nothing gets done in jail.
J : Er...let's get back to the trial. How old are you?
Q : When the trial started, I'm not sure, I have to see your records. But I'm now 16.
J : That means you were 10 years old when the attacks happened.
Q : (smiles) What attacks? I need some music in the cell. Also that weekend farmhouse cell in Khandala is maintained very poorly. My A/C's not working properly and...
J : Shadthefkup. Prosecutor, would you like to summarise?
Prosecutor : I have a suggestion, your honour. This trial is costing us crores to run. All my witnesses are hostile or dead. We should just let this one go.
Q : Mad or what? I refuse. I did not even agree to shifting to another jail in the same city 3 years back. I'll get creamed if I go out in the open.
J : Hmm. Now that's a promising idea. Let me think about it. Adjourned.
Akmal's action cleared by biomechanics lab experts
Zaed Akmal's suspect bowling action was cleared by the biomechanics lab of Auztralian Institute of Sports according to their in-house lawbook exception 13(c) "if said chucker really really wants to get more turn". Biomechanics expert Richard Watson studied Akmal's action over 20 deliveries using 35 microcameras and the latest imaging technology. He concluded that the action was illegal in any form of any game but then Akmal's attitude was what turned the tide.
"Akmal wanted to get so much turn off even our flat pitch that he was forced to chuck really badly. When you want that much turn, you have no choice but to chuck. He has that same drive for results that Murali and Shoib had when they came here. Then came the tricky part. We needed to come up with a new scientific explanation for this almost-underarm action of his since we'd used hyperextension and the 15 degree logic too many times. I came up with one in an inspired moment - biosuperposition. Because at the end of the day, that's what this bloke's action does. It puts him and his team in a super position" said Watson, rounding off.
"Akmal wanted to get so much turn off even our flat pitch that he was forced to chuck really badly. When you want that much turn, you have no choice but to chuck. He has that same drive for results that Murali and Shoib had when they came here. Then came the tricky part. We needed to come up with a new scientific explanation for this almost-underarm action of his since we'd used hyperextension and the 15 degree logic too many times. I came up with one in an inspired moment - biosuperposition. Because at the end of the day, that's what this bloke's action does. It puts him and his team in a super position" said Watson, rounding off.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Management lessons from the Third Battle of Tumkur 1345 A.D.
This is the first part of a series where the author draws management lessons from all sorts of crap that happened such a long time ago that factual inaccuracy will not be noticed.
When Raja Kumbha invaded the Shaurya empire, he forgot to take along his army. He got caught and spent the rest of his life in the Shauryan prison which was only so-so but he managed.
Lesson : In a corporate setting, you should learn to adapt, especially if you are absent-minded.
The Shaurya empire, angered by Kumbha's feeble attempt, decided to acquire territories in Newfoundland and set sail on rough seas. The ships got screwed in storm after storm and the emperor Rudraveera was thrown overboard and he drowned.
Lesson : You should be a team player and a leader but swimming is an individual sort of activity.
Angered at the storm, Tungabhadra, the emperor's 8th wife, went to meet his brother Kudraveera . She described in lengthy poetic verse the storm that had killed the emperor. But Kudraveera married her by force and that was at the least the end of her mediocre poetry.
Lesson : When making a presentation, you should keep the audience in mind.
Kudraveera attacked and annexed large parts of North India. On a hunting expedition in a forest he encountered a group of tribals with swords and other weapons who attacked and surrounded him. He tried imitating them and making their sounds and they started clapping. Soon they adopted him as part of the tribe and he became one of them but one day they killed and ate him with green chutney and margarine.
Lesson : If you join a new organisation, you need to read up on its culture.
Kudra's son-in-law Pratap was a brave warrior, second to none. He shifted his capital from Ferozepur to Andhipatti and then back 4-5 times thereby killing most of his kingdom. He died of a rose essence overdose at the age of 97.
Lesson : A dead team is as good as no team at all.
Pratap left behind two sons each, from his two wives and there was no clear indication of who would succeed him. But, in his will, he had asked for his wealth to be divided according to a complicated formula based on seniority and many other variables. But he hadn't left behind much of anything to divide, so it wasn't a real problem.
Lesson : Succession planning is important but you should do other stuff too.
Pratap's eldest son, Bhootraj took on the mighty Malavi empire in the battle of Tumkur. His general Shoora was a 9 to 6 kinda guy and refused to fight beyond sunset. But Bhootraj insisted and Shoora obliged unwillingly, cursing under his breath.
Lesson : Screw your subordinates. They can't do anything
When Raja Kumbha invaded the Shaurya empire, he forgot to take along his army. He got caught and spent the rest of his life in the Shauryan prison which was only so-so but he managed.
Lesson : In a corporate setting, you should learn to adapt, especially if you are absent-minded.
The Shaurya empire, angered by Kumbha's feeble attempt, decided to acquire territories in Newfoundland and set sail on rough seas. The ships got screwed in storm after storm and the emperor Rudraveera was thrown overboard and he drowned.
Lesson : You should be a team player and a leader but swimming is an individual sort of activity.
Angered at the storm, Tungabhadra, the emperor's 8th wife, went to meet his brother Kudraveera . She described in lengthy poetic verse the storm that had killed the emperor. But Kudraveera married her by force and that was at the least the end of her mediocre poetry.
Lesson : When making a presentation, you should keep the audience in mind.
Kudraveera attacked and annexed large parts of North India. On a hunting expedition in a forest he encountered a group of tribals with swords and other weapons who attacked and surrounded him. He tried imitating them and making their sounds and they started clapping. Soon they adopted him as part of the tribe and he became one of them but one day they killed and ate him with green chutney and margarine.
Lesson : If you join a new organisation, you need to read up on its culture.
Kudra's son-in-law Pratap was a brave warrior, second to none. He shifted his capital from Ferozepur to Andhipatti and then back 4-5 times thereby killing most of his kingdom. He died of a rose essence overdose at the age of 97.
Lesson : A dead team is as good as no team at all.
Pratap left behind two sons each, from his two wives and there was no clear indication of who would succeed him. But, in his will, he had asked for his wealth to be divided according to a complicated formula based on seniority and many other variables. But he hadn't left behind much of anything to divide, so it wasn't a real problem.
Lesson : Succession planning is important but you should do other stuff too.
Pratap's eldest son, Bhootraj took on the mighty Malavi empire in the battle of Tumkur. His general Shoora was a 9 to 6 kinda guy and refused to fight beyond sunset. But Bhootraj insisted and Shoora obliged unwillingly, cursing under his breath.
Lesson : Screw your subordinates. They can't do anything
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