And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference
And so I thought I'd be a star
Till I saw some jerks on a truck
They'd taken the easier route by far
and made it to the same place on solid tar
And left me feeling like a stupidass schmuck
I was like 'Hey! this breaks my heart;
but the road less travelled can't suck in art
its suckiness in real life regardless
let's inspire people to make a mess'
And I decided to delete the last part
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Case
Ramaswami looked at the crumpled piece of paper in front of him and sighed. He got up from his ergonomic chair and walked to the french window of the plush Director's cabin and looked out. Then he came back and sat on his chair and looked at the paper in front of him and sighed. He had come a long way from joining Indian Management Institute as a Deputy Director the previous year to becoming Director this year. It had been a troubled journey.
When he took over the top job at the Institute earlier this year, his predecessor had handed him this piece of paper. The paper was cryptically titled 'Exhibit 1' and had the following table.
Exhibit 1
Harvard : Case methodology
Stanford : Don't know
IMI : Should be same as Harvard?
He remembered spending many days trying to make sense of this table and giving up. He then had nothing to do for a few months and decided to hire a consultant and entrusted the task of generating 'Exhibit 2' to them. The consultants decided to 'listen to the market' and came up with some pithy findings summarised as 'Exhibit 2', just like Ramaswami wanted.
Exhibit 2
Number of student respondents surveyed : 200
Preferred pedagogy
Case study method : 0
Orthodox (lecture) : 0
Replacement of faculty with better faculty : 100
Refund of fees : 100
This was a disturbing trend indeed and to recover from this shock, Ramaswami decided to download some data from the internet which he playfully compiled as Exhibit 3.
Exhibit 3
Food production in Zambia last Thursday: 200 metric tonnes
Ratio of China's GDP and Distance from the earth to the moon : 20
As he was staring into open space, some realistic questions occurred to Ramaswami.
Should I continue as Director? (5 marks)
Should this Institute continue with the case-study method? (15 marks)
How many exhibits on an average should a case have? (5 marks)
He was clueless but he was sure of one thing, the answers to these would occur to him by 4 pm the next day.
When he took over the top job at the Institute earlier this year, his predecessor had handed him this piece of paper. The paper was cryptically titled 'Exhibit 1' and had the following table.
Exhibit 1
Harvard : Case methodology
Stanford : Don't know
IMI : Should be same as Harvard?
He remembered spending many days trying to make sense of this table and giving up. He then had nothing to do for a few months and decided to hire a consultant and entrusted the task of generating 'Exhibit 2' to them. The consultants decided to 'listen to the market' and came up with some pithy findings summarised as 'Exhibit 2', just like Ramaswami wanted.
Exhibit 2
Number of student respondents surveyed : 200
Preferred pedagogy
Case study method : 0
Orthodox (lecture) : 0
Replacement of faculty with better faculty : 100
Refund of fees : 100
This was a disturbing trend indeed and to recover from this shock, Ramaswami decided to download some data from the internet which he playfully compiled as Exhibit 3.
Exhibit 3
Food production in Zambia last Thursday: 200 metric tonnes
Ratio of China's GDP and Distance from the earth to the moon : 20
As he was staring into open space, some realistic questions occurred to Ramaswami.
Should I continue as Director? (5 marks)
Should this Institute continue with the case-study method? (15 marks)
How many exhibits on an average should a case have? (5 marks)
He was clueless but he was sure of one thing, the answers to these would occur to him by 4 pm the next day.
Monday, December 20, 2010
Tap leak
NiR: Hi...is this Mr. Kuja?
Ku: Yes, it is me only, tell.
NiR: I spoke to Ajay just now...
Ku: Ok
NiR: and then to Suneil...
Ku: Ok. What he is telling?
NiR: And then to Aneil
Ku: How did you speak to so many people, all just now?
NiR: and then to...
Ku: Hello? Ok, what they are all telling, tell no?
NiR: And then to you...
Ku: That part I also know
NiR: Ajay's telling Sunil that Bharat told you, you know, about the thing
Ku: Hain?
NiR: and you should also tell Leader about that
Ku: Dey, who is this speaking?
NiR: It's me
Ku: Youaa? then wrong number. don't call again
---
NiR: Hi, I just spoke to CBI
Ku: Ok
NiR: and then to SC and CVC and
Ku: Ok, you spoke to all people. Then what?
NiR: There's talk of investigating a scam
Ku: Which one?
NiR: The 2G one, where the exchequer lost 1.75 lakh...
Ku: Who is this X.Shekhar fellow? And he paid 1.75 lakh to who in my department? Tell details
NiR: No, I mean the government lost so much in the spectrum allocation? So I spoke to Suneil and then to Arun and...
Ku: Ayyo. Started againa?
NiR: and then to your wife
Ku: Haan, only that was left. Enter into family alsovaa? And then? What she is telling?
NiR: You should buy her a black sari
Ku: Ok. I know who is behinding all this. I will tell Leader.
---
NiR: So they want to give two ministries
Ku: Let them tell Leader.
NiR: I asked for 4. I think we'll settle at 2.5
Ku: Ok ok
NiR: I've always liked textiles and fashion, from the time I was 3-4 years old.
Ku: For that what I can do now?
NiR: No, so I asked for textile ministry.
Ku: So you like talking on phone so much so you asked for telecom also for me? hahaha
NiR: Kuja, you are too much
Ku: What is other half ministry?
NiR: Culture or something where money is half.
Ku: Chee. Culture and all who will take.
NiR: Ok, so I spoke to Raten and
Ku: So what he is telling?
NiR: Nothing actually. I only spoke.
Ku: Very good. Once in life if you let others talk, I will get more covers I feel.
NiR: Cover means?
Ku: Suitcase, cover, all that. 3G also coming and I want to retire fast.
NiR: Yeah, I will talk to Barca Datt about that
Ku: Ayyo. You can talk to my grandmother instead. Same result.
NiR: And then she will speak to Veer
Ku: Who are all these fellows? I don't watch TV these days
NiR: and he will speak with
Ku: Yeah. correct. Now I have to go, but feel free to finish conversation before hanging up.
---
Ku: Yes, it is me only, tell.
NiR: I spoke to Ajay just now...
Ku: Ok
NiR: and then to Suneil...
Ku: Ok. What he is telling?
NiR: And then to Aneil
Ku: How did you speak to so many people, all just now?
NiR: and then to...
Ku: Hello? Ok, what they are all telling, tell no?
NiR: And then to you...
Ku: That part I also know
NiR: Ajay's telling Sunil that Bharat told you, you know, about the thing
Ku: Hain?
NiR: and you should also tell Leader about that
Ku: Dey, who is this speaking?
NiR: It's me
Ku: Youaa? then wrong number. don't call again
---
NiR: Hi, I just spoke to CBI
Ku: Ok
NiR: and then to SC and CVC and
Ku: Ok, you spoke to all people. Then what?
NiR: There's talk of investigating a scam
Ku: Which one?
NiR: The 2G one, where the exchequer lost 1.75 lakh...
Ku: Who is this X.Shekhar fellow? And he paid 1.75 lakh to who in my department? Tell details
NiR: No, I mean the government lost so much in the spectrum allocation? So I spoke to Suneil and then to Arun and...
Ku: Ayyo. Started againa?
NiR: and then to your wife
Ku: Haan, only that was left. Enter into family alsovaa? And then? What she is telling?
NiR: You should buy her a black sari
Ku: Ok. I know who is behinding all this. I will tell Leader.
---
NiR: So they want to give two ministries
Ku: Let them tell Leader.
NiR: I asked for 4. I think we'll settle at 2.5
Ku: Ok ok
NiR: I've always liked textiles and fashion, from the time I was 3-4 years old.
Ku: For that what I can do now?
NiR: No, so I asked for textile ministry.
Ku: So you like talking on phone so much so you asked for telecom also for me? hahaha
NiR: Kuja, you are too much
Ku: What is other half ministry?
NiR: Culture or something where money is half.
Ku: Chee. Culture and all who will take.
NiR: Ok, so I spoke to Raten and
Ku: So what he is telling?
NiR: Nothing actually. I only spoke.
Ku: Very good. Once in life if you let others talk, I will get more covers I feel.
NiR: Cover means?
Ku: Suitcase, cover, all that. 3G also coming and I want to retire fast.
NiR: Yeah, I will talk to Barca Datt about that
Ku: Ayyo. You can talk to my grandmother instead. Same result.
NiR: And then she will speak to Veer
Ku: Who are all these fellows? I don't watch TV these days
NiR: and he will speak with
Ku: Yeah. correct. Now I have to go, but feel free to finish conversation before hanging up.
---
Thursday, December 9, 2010
An open letter to open letter writers
Dear openletterwriter (OLW) - or should I say, ahem, honourably illustriously sarcastic opinionated OLW,
I write to you with great dismay and some other profound emotions about the crisis that our nation is facing because of OLWs like your good self. I had no choice but to write to you, sir.
Sir, I had no choice but to write to you.
Actually the other choice was to not write to you, honourable sir. Wait, hang on, the third option was to do what the term 'letter' usually signifies. Which is to buy an envelope, some stamps, write this very same letter, take a printout, walk my opinionated limelight-seeking ass to the nearest post box and drop it in. But dear sir, my dear dear sir, I digress. This Open Letter is not about me.
I have been tracking your good self's penchant for open letters for the last many years and trust me, there is no bigger fan than I, of your open letters. You have been a vigilante citizen for many years now, writing bitingly acerbic open letters and shoving these down the throats of an all-absorbing media. I still remember the open letter you wrote to the Home Minister when the terror attack occurred. There was even a rumor that the letter made a couple of terrorists surrender. And they couldn't even read English. Such is the power that your open letters wield. You didn't stop there. You went on to then write open letters to each Minister, some minor celebrities, Paris Hilton, every member of the Bigg Boss-season 3 household and so on. But even you will agree with me that, lately, your open letters are making me puke a little inside my mouth.
Don't get me wrong, sir. I'm not, for one moment, for one solitary microsecond, saying that you shouldn't write letters. Your letters are the very cornerstone of the basis that this country has built its pillars of fundamentals on. But with the advent of the internet, the open letters you write with so much passion, are bound to fall in the wrong hands, namely, readers'. So write all you want, write like the wind, but please buy one 25 paisa cover, one 2 rupee stamp and post it to the one guy you want to talk to.
Thanking you,
Yours "very faithfully but only inside double quotes (wink, wink)"
An innocently common concerned citizen
I write to you with great dismay and some other profound emotions about the crisis that our nation is facing because of OLWs like your good self. I had no choice but to write to you, sir.
Sir, I had no choice but to write to you.
Actually the other choice was to not write to you, honourable sir. Wait, hang on, the third option was to do what the term 'letter' usually signifies. Which is to buy an envelope, some stamps, write this very same letter, take a printout, walk my opinionated limelight-seeking ass to the nearest post box and drop it in. But dear sir, my dear dear sir, I digress. This Open Letter is not about me.
I have been tracking your good self's penchant for open letters for the last many years and trust me, there is no bigger fan than I, of your open letters. You have been a vigilante citizen for many years now, writing bitingly acerbic open letters and shoving these down the throats of an all-absorbing media. I still remember the open letter you wrote to the Home Minister when the terror attack occurred. There was even a rumor that the letter made a couple of terrorists surrender. And they couldn't even read English. Such is the power that your open letters wield. You didn't stop there. You went on to then write open letters to each Minister, some minor celebrities, Paris Hilton, every member of the Bigg Boss-season 3 household and so on. But even you will agree with me that, lately, your open letters are making me puke a little inside my mouth.
Don't get me wrong, sir. I'm not, for one moment, for one solitary microsecond, saying that you shouldn't write letters. Your letters are the very cornerstone of the basis that this country has built its pillars of fundamentals on. But with the advent of the internet, the open letters you write with so much passion, are bound to fall in the wrong hands, namely, readers'. So write all you want, write like the wind, but please buy one 25 paisa cover, one 2 rupee stamp and post it to the one guy you want to talk to.
Thanking you,
Yours "very faithfully but only inside double quotes (wink, wink)"
An innocently common concerned citizen
Monday, November 15, 2010
The world's youngest guy-who-still-has-his-job-at-that-bank
Marshall ran the numbers once more. Which is just a fancy way of saying 'Marshall closed the file valuation.xls and opened it again'. His boss barged in for the fourth time that morning.
'Done? What's the number we are looking at?'
'Er...25'
'Whoa! Sure you don't want to crunch the numbers again, buddy?'
The truth was there weren't too many numbers to crunch. Facebrook had earned a revenue of one dollar for the financial year 2004-5, which was under the column 'won by founder in a beer contest'. Assuming similar incomes over the next few years and a completely arbitrary terminal value of the firm, meant that for the first time since Marshall joined the bank, the cell next to 'enterprise value' had a number instead of an error message. And that number was 25 USD.
'Not really, do you want to check? Here's a print...'
'No, I'm late for the meeting already. Ok, I'll start at 20 then. Hmm. You meant 25 billion right? I'm very sure we can't be talking in millions anymore?'
This stumped Marshall. His world was falling apart in slow motion. And he had to say something in the next 5 seconds. He didn't really have a choice. Going along with 25 billion USD gave him time till this evening to re-work the excel file. Arguing for 25 USD would land him in unemployment for sure, and perhaps at a mental asylum. What had he missed in his model?
'Yeah of course, 25 billion. So, boss, did the founders speak about any other revenues, you know, like money coming in or something?'
'No, that was the best part. We have a winner and...ok gotta run now'.
There was a lot of work to do. Marshall decided to first take a 10 minute break and check his own facebrook profile. For the first time since he'd joined the firm, he didn't feel guilty about facebrooking in office.
'Done? What's the number we are looking at?'
'Er...25'
'Whoa! Sure you don't want to crunch the numbers again, buddy?'
The truth was there weren't too many numbers to crunch. Facebrook had earned a revenue of one dollar for the financial year 2004-5, which was under the column 'won by founder in a beer contest'. Assuming similar incomes over the next few years and a completely arbitrary terminal value of the firm, meant that for the first time since Marshall joined the bank, the cell next to 'enterprise value' had a number instead of an error message. And that number was 25 USD.
'Not really, do you want to check? Here's a print...'
'No, I'm late for the meeting already. Ok, I'll start at 20 then. Hmm. You meant 25 billion right? I'm very sure we can't be talking in millions anymore?'
This stumped Marshall. His world was falling apart in slow motion. And he had to say something in the next 5 seconds. He didn't really have a choice. Going along with 25 billion USD gave him time till this evening to re-work the excel file. Arguing for 25 USD would land him in unemployment for sure, and perhaps at a mental asylum. What had he missed in his model?
'Yeah of course, 25 billion. So, boss, did the founders speak about any other revenues, you know, like money coming in or something?'
'No, that was the best part. We have a winner and...ok gotta run now'.
There was a lot of work to do. Marshall decided to first take a 10 minute break and check his own facebrook profile. For the first time since he'd joined the firm, he didn't feel guilty about facebrooking in office.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Dear Mr. Ajay, can you please send us your revised offer asap? Thanks
Trrrring.
'Hi, Ajay here. I just saw your email. Our revised offer is 4 lakhs'
'Oh ok, can you reply to my email saying this?'
'Email shemail kya yaar. When we are meeting and phoning and talking, what's the necessity of email? hehe'
Ok, I'll have to do it myself then.
Dear Mr. Ajay, we spoke. We are going ahead with the order on the basis of your revised quote of Rs 4 lakhs. Can you please 'email' me the address to which the order needs to be sent?
Please, God, no. New message alert. Yay! For once, an emailed reply to an emailed query.
Hi, js sw ur mesg cn u pls cll?? - Ajay
He better have something to tell me in addition to his address.
'Hi, Ajay?'
'Haan you wanted my address na, ABC enterprises, 34-5, Grant Road...'
This does not make sense. Does he have a keyboard allergy? That does it. No more phone conversations. My new mission in this world is to make email the only accepted means of communication. I create an sms template that goes out to every caller whose call I miss deliberately. 'I'm in a meeting. Please email'.
The only result of this strike is that I have a bunch of emails from Ajay, all of which say the same thing
got your sms. can you pls call
tried calling u but dnt gt thru. cn u pls call
gt an sms from u asking me to email. cn u pls call
Email is Ajay's paging device. He automatically calls people who email him, as a reflex. And the emails he sends out are only requests to call him back. I shall not budge till he understands the full range of functionality of Outlook Express and/or gmail. There is a small chance he's being arrested and I'm the one phone call he's allowed. He seems to have access to email though so that's unlikely. I decide to not call Ajay till I receive an email from him with actual content.
Ajay, this email is with reference to a meeting we have scheduled for tomorrow which you are required to attend. Please confirm by way of an email. I'm getting into a flight right now and will not be reachable for the next few hours.
hi - will attnd. thr r some paymnt issues. cn we discus that tmrw at the meeting?
Yay! There are at least 3 separate bits of content in that email, none of which is a request to call him.
Dear Mr. Vivek, Can you send us some product brochures please?
hi - cn u call pl?
Vivek, welcome to my 3-week Voice-to-Data Personal Transformation Program...
Trrrring.
'Hi, Ajay here. I just saw your email. Our revised offer is 4 lakhs'
'Oh ok, can you reply to my email saying this?'
'Email shemail kya yaar. When we are meeting and phoning and talking, what's the necessity of email? hehe'
Ok, I'll have to do it myself then.
Dear Mr. Ajay, we spoke. We are going ahead with the order on the basis of your revised quote of Rs 4 lakhs. Can you please 'email' me the address to which the order needs to be sent?
Please, God, no. New message alert. Yay! For once, an emailed reply to an emailed query.
Hi, js sw ur mesg cn u pls cll?? - Ajay
He better have something to tell me in addition to his address.
'Hi, Ajay?'
'Haan you wanted my address na, ABC enterprises, 34-5, Grant Road...'
This does not make sense. Does he have a keyboard allergy? That does it. No more phone conversations. My new mission in this world is to make email the only accepted means of communication. I create an sms template that goes out to every caller whose call I miss deliberately. 'I'm in a meeting. Please email'.
The only result of this strike is that I have a bunch of emails from Ajay, all of which say the same thing
got your sms. can you pls call
tried calling u but dnt gt thru. cn u pls call
gt an sms from u asking me to email. cn u pls call
Email is Ajay's paging device. He automatically calls people who email him, as a reflex. And the emails he sends out are only requests to call him back. I shall not budge till he understands the full range of functionality of Outlook Express and/or gmail. There is a small chance he's being arrested and I'm the one phone call he's allowed. He seems to have access to email though so that's unlikely. I decide to not call Ajay till I receive an email from him with actual content.
Ajay, this email is with reference to a meeting we have scheduled for tomorrow which you are required to attend. Please confirm by way of an email. I'm getting into a flight right now and will not be reachable for the next few hours.
hi - will attnd. thr r some paymnt issues. cn we discus that tmrw at the meeting?
Yay! There are at least 3 separate bits of content in that email, none of which is a request to call him.
Dear Mr. Vivek, Can you send us some product brochures please?
hi - cn u call pl?
Vivek, welcome to my 3-week Voice-to-Data Personal Transformation Program...
Monday, August 9, 2010
CWG compromise : Beijing Olympics to be re-telecast
Sports fans all over the world can breathe free - the Commonwealth Games to be held in India in October this year will take place as scheduled, though only on television. After a month-long negotiation, China decided to hand over exclusive re-telecast rights of the 2008 Beijing Olympics to Doordarshan today. This means hundreds of hours of sporting action, seen only once or twice before, with fresh perspectives on the same events from DD's expert commentary team.
'Am as interested as anyone else in finding out what Charoo Sharma has to say about my 9.69 second 100m run' said Usayn Bolt adding to the hype surrounding the upcoming event. Of course, medal winners from Beijing '08 who don't belong to any of the commonwealth nations will be stripped of their medals at CWG, 2010.
'Am as interested as anyone else in finding out what Charoo Sharma has to say about my 9.69 second 100m run' said Usayn Bolt adding to the hype surrounding the upcoming event. Of course, medal winners from Beijing '08 who don't belong to any of the commonwealth nations will be stripped of their medals at CWG, 2010.
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