-Siddick's is a fresh new voice in Indian fiction that begs hearing in today's world of corruption, communal violence, world peace, bad movies and cheap alcohol. He may not only be the least important author of his generation but has also turned out a masterpiece that is perhaps best described by those who made the mistake of reading it.
-This book is a race-horse-power-packed-non-stop-pace-maker triumph. It is dark and chilling (where I live) but that's only because there's a power-cut in my house. Vintage Siddick.
- Pick this novel up on a lazy summer afternoon and lose yourself in sleep. This one's a page-turner and you will regret being born mid-way through the 890 pages.
- This is an important book. It covers the difficult terrain of balderdash that other writers ignore, with the admirable clumsiness and a general disdain for the reader's intellect that has now come to characterise most of Siddick's work.
- The book appears, deceptively so, to be an epic saga covering several generations to the undiscerning reader but it operates on many levels and raises some fundamental questions about buying the book.
- Siddick is almost deliberately plain in his phrasing. Yet his book has that ineffable lyrical quality to it and a couple of sentences rhyme awkwardly. An absolute piece de resistance, a novel non pareil, a rare achievemento, a novel without raison-d-etre.
- A surprisingly poignant and pithy tale. This is a writer at the depth of his craft.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
I'm older than I was three years back - Parthib Patail
Ghoni's absence in the forthcoming India-SL test series may just be the lucky break that young baby-faced wicket-keeper Parthib Patail was waiting for. But the only thing between him and another test match cap may be that very baby face that has endeared him to hardly anybody over the last many years.
"Just look at him. Would rather not have a keeper. And he definitely can't bat. He uses training wheels to hold up his bat in the nets" said Kumbli who believes that he is at least four times as old as young Patail.
Patail, though, is not amused. "After being dropped from the side three years back, I have consistently tried to look older. I sported a mush at one point and even got married, for God's sake. The fact is I am three years older than I was three years ago but my face still looks the same", he said, waving a copy of his birth and marriage certificate for all to see.
"It is a fact that I'm pretty much at the same place I started out with in terms of physical strength and cricketing ability. Still can't bat or keep wickets to save my life and have lost many matches for my state and 20-20 sides. But I have learnt how to take failure in my stride which is a valuable trait to have" he continued.
Will captain Kumbli give him a break in the first test? Or will young Patail be discriminated against on account of his complete lack of talent and baby face? We will know shortly.
"Just look at him. Would rather not have a keeper. And he definitely can't bat. He uses training wheels to hold up his bat in the nets" said Kumbli who believes that he is at least four times as old as young Patail.
Patail, though, is not amused. "After being dropped from the side three years back, I have consistently tried to look older. I sported a mush at one point and even got married, for God's sake. The fact is I am three years older than I was three years ago but my face still looks the same", he said, waving a copy of his birth and marriage certificate for all to see.
"It is a fact that I'm pretty much at the same place I started out with in terms of physical strength and cricketing ability. Still can't bat or keep wickets to save my life and have lost many matches for my state and 20-20 sides. But I have learnt how to take failure in my stride which is a valuable trait to have" he continued.
Will captain Kumbli give him a break in the first test? Or will young Patail be discriminated against on account of his complete lack of talent and baby face? We will know shortly.
Monday, July 14, 2008
20th century thamizh poetry and its influence on popular culture
submitted in partial fulfilment of doctorate in superstardom...
Adhandaa idhaandaa Arunaachalam naanthaandaa
That only, this only, Arunaachalam me only
Annai thamizh naattula naa anaivarukkum sondhandaa...
In mother Tamil Nadu I am belonging to everyone
Aandavan nadathiduvaandaa daa daa arunaachalam nadandhiduvaandaa
God will strategise gise gise, Arunachalam will implement ment ment
Naan uppu poatta aala marappadhilladaa
I don't forget man putting salt da
Aanaa thappu senja aala viduvadhilladaa (Adhaandaa)
But I don’t leave man making mistake da (That only)
Friday, July 11, 2008
White noise
"This reminds me of the time I used to work in Sion. There was this one staff officer who used to...I mean we have to be fair to him and all that because we don't know what he was going through but still a person has to, you know...take boss for example....I mean it's not always true but all I'm trying to say is that it is possible to be wrong. This guy I was talking about used to work a couple of offices away from me. Strictly speaking they were not offices, maybe some sort of cubicles. You've seen the ones at XYZ right? Maybe 2 metres wide, or 3. Something like that..."
Fade out. Fade in.
"...that is what he said, can you imagine? We were like oh my god. I don't know what happened to her."
Pause. I have to say something of a general nature here, I'm guessing.
"Yes. people, man, I tell you. All kinds", is my feeble attempt.
"Exactly. And not that I was pissed off or anything. I mean it is ok with me. But I'm like that"
Trrring. Phew.
"Hello. We are calling from StanC. We would like to offer you a free credit card"
Pesky call center credit-card salesman versus colleague given to random detailed anecdotes. Credit card pest gets disconnected. Back to colleague.
"As I was saying...What's that on your nose by the way, a boil? These things can spread to your brain. This triangular region is a little critical. So where was I? Forget that. What amazes me is that this chap...I mean how is it possible to be like that...My uncle once said that it is possible to be, you know, the uncle who lives in Chembur. Have I told you about him? He lives in Diamond Garden, you've seen that place where they, you know...You have to take left there and go straight about a few metres. Ok, I may be exaggerating when I say a few metres, maybe a kilometre. There is this old tree there that's I'm sure a thousand years old...hahaha...so it's about a kilometre, maximum a kilometre and a half. You can take an auto if you want to but I think, I mean purely personal opinion, you may differ. I mean like you said people are of different types. Me and my father for example. We can walk, I mean like not walk walk but more of a stroll or something..."
Fade out. Fade in with no recollection of how much time has passed in between.
"...and I had no clue what to do but that's another story. So what were we talking about before the digression?"
No frikkin' clue. What I would like to talk about, however, is the faulty wiring in your head that allows your mouth to emanate unprocessed sounds continuously.
"We were talking about some people, how they can be, you know...", I blurt.
"Exactly. I mean don't take this as bitching but if you are like that despite people telling you then I'm very sorry, boss I'm not the person for you. You understand what I'm saying? I mean I have to tell you despite all the negatives when I was working in Sion... I mean there wasn't even a process, can you believe that?... I'm saying despite all that, the truth is that it is still like the one place where despite all the negatives, a person, I mean these are not strictly negatives mind you, but you tell me how long can a person go on with something like this. My uncle used to say, the Chembur guy I told you about. Have I told you about him?"
I know enough about Chembur uncle now to go mug him at night and surrender at the Chembur police station.
"Yes. Diamond Garden". Am I really that good at pretend-listening?
"Yes. Like i was saying..."
Fade out. Fade in.
"..it's something like a dark greyish colour. I mean you can call it black but it's not pitch black. I don't know the technical term for it but it kind of looks like a ...hmm, I don't know but I think..."
Fade out. In.
"...that is not the point, right? Seriously the environment is such that even if one has to, I mean"
Out. In.
"You are rather quiet today, what happened?"
Trring.
"I is Tushar Sir calling respected yourself from StanC"
"Yeah hi! You got disconnected right?" I have never been this cheery to a spam-caller before.
"Sir Yes Credit card for you sir. You have been selected for this new offer sir, free credit card."
"Hmm. Interesting. Can you let me have some more detail?"
"Ma'am, of course yes, sir. Card is membership fee annual is exemption..."
Fade out.
Fade out. Fade in.
"...that is what he said, can you imagine? We were like oh my god. I don't know what happened to her."
Pause. I have to say something of a general nature here, I'm guessing.
"Yes. people, man, I tell you. All kinds", is my feeble attempt.
"Exactly. And not that I was pissed off or anything. I mean it is ok with me. But I'm like that"
Trrring. Phew.
"Hello. We are calling from StanC. We would like to offer you a free credit card"
Pesky call center credit-card salesman versus colleague given to random detailed anecdotes. Credit card pest gets disconnected. Back to colleague.
"As I was saying...What's that on your nose by the way, a boil? These things can spread to your brain. This triangular region is a little critical. So where was I? Forget that. What amazes me is that this chap...I mean how is it possible to be like that...My uncle once said that it is possible to be, you know, the uncle who lives in Chembur. Have I told you about him? He lives in Diamond Garden, you've seen that place where they, you know...You have to take left there and go straight about a few metres. Ok, I may be exaggerating when I say a few metres, maybe a kilometre. There is this old tree there that's I'm sure a thousand years old...hahaha...so it's about a kilometre, maximum a kilometre and a half. You can take an auto if you want to but I think, I mean purely personal opinion, you may differ. I mean like you said people are of different types. Me and my father for example. We can walk, I mean like not walk walk but more of a stroll or something..."
Fade out. Fade in with no recollection of how much time has passed in between.
"...and I had no clue what to do but that's another story. So what were we talking about before the digression?"
No frikkin' clue. What I would like to talk about, however, is the faulty wiring in your head that allows your mouth to emanate unprocessed sounds continuously.
"We were talking about some people, how they can be, you know...", I blurt.
"Exactly. I mean don't take this as bitching but if you are like that despite people telling you then I'm very sorry, boss I'm not the person for you. You understand what I'm saying? I mean I have to tell you despite all the negatives when I was working in Sion... I mean there wasn't even a process, can you believe that?... I'm saying despite all that, the truth is that it is still like the one place where despite all the negatives, a person, I mean these are not strictly negatives mind you, but you tell me how long can a person go on with something like this. My uncle used to say, the Chembur guy I told you about. Have I told you about him?"
I know enough about Chembur uncle now to go mug him at night and surrender at the Chembur police station.
"Yes. Diamond Garden". Am I really that good at pretend-listening?
"Yes. Like i was saying..."
Fade out. Fade in.
"..it's something like a dark greyish colour. I mean you can call it black but it's not pitch black. I don't know the technical term for it but it kind of looks like a ...hmm, I don't know but I think..."
Fade out. In.
"...that is not the point, right? Seriously the environment is such that even if one has to, I mean"
Out. In.
"You are rather quiet today, what happened?"
Trring.
"I is Tushar Sir calling respected yourself from StanC"
"Yeah hi! You got disconnected right?" I have never been this cheery to a spam-caller before.
"Sir Yes Credit card for you sir. You have been selected for this new offer sir, free credit card."
"Hmm. Interesting. Can you let me have some more detail?"
"Ma'am, of course yes, sir. Card is membership fee annual is exemption..."
Fade out.
Friday, June 27, 2008
Delegation
"That's all you need to do. Put these small documents together and make a big document. No analysis. No nothing. As simple as that. I will take it from there"
"Cool. Great. So I think we should sit on it sometime tomorrow..."
Ho Hum. here we go.
"...and then blah and then bluh and then blah. What do you think?"
Much as I love your way of doing it, i.e., by not doing it, I'm going to stick to the original idea.
"You put those together first no? We can discuss tomorrow when we have one document that's readable"
"You are not getting my point". Comes and sits and points at random objects on my laptop monitor. "...blah and bluh and so we need to discuss"
"I don't think putting these together is a two-man job. Are you doing something else right now or later today?"
Always ask questions you know the answer to.
"No. Ok chalo, I will take a shot at it"
Phew.
"Mr. Chatterjee? Hi. I was wondering if you could do this as well as part of your presentation..."
Can you hate a task so much that you will die avoiding it? Sometimes the greatest distance in the world is between a person and his work. I give up.
"Don't bother Mr. Chatterjee, man. I will do it myself"
"Cool. Just try putting these documents together to make one big document, plain and simple. No analysis or anything. We can discuss tomorrow when you are ready"
"Cool. Great. So I think we should sit on it sometime tomorrow..."
Ho Hum. here we go.
"...and then blah and then bluh and then blah. What do you think?"
Much as I love your way of doing it, i.e., by not doing it, I'm going to stick to the original idea.
"You put those together first no? We can discuss tomorrow when we have one document that's readable"
"You are not getting my point". Comes and sits and points at random objects on my laptop monitor. "...blah and bluh and so we need to discuss"
"I don't think putting these together is a two-man job. Are you doing something else right now or later today?"
Always ask questions you know the answer to.
"No. Ok chalo, I will take a shot at it"
Phew.
"Mr. Chatterjee? Hi. I was wondering if you could do this as well as part of your presentation..."
Can you hate a task so much that you will die avoiding it? Sometimes the greatest distance in the world is between a person and his work. I give up.
"Don't bother Mr. Chatterjee, man. I will do it myself"
"Cool. Just try putting these documents together to make one big document, plain and simple. No analysis or anything. We can discuss tomorrow when you are ready"
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Siv Seina buys suicide wing from Al Qaida for 2 bn$
In a landmark transaction that marks the coming of age of Indian M&A, Mumbai's very own Siv Seina (SS) bought 100% of the equity of Al Qaida's suicide wing for 2 bn$. Trade analysts have called the deal 'overpriced' and 'suicidal' but the management is gung-ho as usual about the new merged entity.
The genesis of the deal was some innovative thinking from the senior management of SS when responding to a war cry from the party supremo, who had urged the party to start a suicide wing to counter the threat that Islamic terrorist groups posed. The management realised that starting this wing from scratch would take a lot of time and effort whereas a ready-made solution existed - growth through the inorganic route.
Meanwhile Al Qaida was looking to hive off its suicide wing which had been bleeding for many years. This resulted in the perfect marriage, something that no one would have seen coming even a few weeks back, given the history of differences between the two parties. 'This proves that terrorist groups everywhere are fundamentally the same' said Abu Kazi, 'The fund inflow will be used to digitally remaster some Osama tapes that are in production including a romantic comedy and an out-and-out action thriller'
'With technology and manpower transfer from the suicide wing, we should be able to do at least a couple of bombings every month', SS Chairman Fackeray said non-committally,' We are retaining Al Qaida's top management, so there may be issues on which communities to target. The problem is the census survey is also outdated, so there is really no scientific way of doing this, apart from taking an SMS vote and so on. So we are keeping our staff entertained by making them watch Sarkar Raj-3 multiple times so as to simulate suicide and near-death conditions.'
The state government has taken a serious view of this episode and is scrutinising the deal documents for evidence of tax violations.
The genesis of the deal was some innovative thinking from the senior management of SS when responding to a war cry from the party supremo, who had urged the party to start a suicide wing to counter the threat that Islamic terrorist groups posed. The management realised that starting this wing from scratch would take a lot of time and effort whereas a ready-made solution existed - growth through the inorganic route.
Meanwhile Al Qaida was looking to hive off its suicide wing which had been bleeding for many years. This resulted in the perfect marriage, something that no one would have seen coming even a few weeks back, given the history of differences between the two parties. 'This proves that terrorist groups everywhere are fundamentally the same' said Abu Kazi, 'The fund inflow will be used to digitally remaster some Osama tapes that are in production including a romantic comedy and an out-and-out action thriller'
'With technology and manpower transfer from the suicide wing, we should be able to do at least a couple of bombings every month', SS Chairman Fackeray said non-committally,' We are retaining Al Qaida's top management, so there may be issues on which communities to target. The problem is the census survey is also outdated, so there is really no scientific way of doing this, apart from taking an SMS vote and so on. So we are keeping our staff entertained by making them watch Sarkar Raj-3 multiple times so as to simulate suicide and near-death conditions.'
The state government has taken a serious view of this episode and is scrutinising the deal documents for evidence of tax violations.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Love gooru answers!
The following is a transcript of a live chat session with our in-house relationship expert affectionately called the 'love gooru'
amresh : hi hi m 10 yr old boy in love with 12 yr old girl in school. pl help
L : Are you nuts? Go do your frikkin' homework, weird lil' brat...
srini : hi am hindu girl in love with muslim boy, his parents don't like the marriage. i feel like ending my life in world. pl help
L : Someone end my life in world
rocky : hi am muslim boy loving hindu girl and my parents are objecting
L : Stop right there. Refer answer above. Jeez. You two in the same chat room? What are you, 10?
amresh : no, i'm 10. in love with 12 yr old
L : You're still here, you spoilt little pain in the a**. Wait till i trace your ip
ridhi : hi i have life and death problem. i'm 12 yr old in love with
L : What is this- couples' chat day? Get out of my chat room, ye all
greg : hey man how you doing? ;)
L : Yeah dude, hit on me. Let's generate relationships. There don't seem to be any otherwise.
shamuddin : delhi daredevilry will win ipl
satya : go to pakstan where you belong
shamuddin : u go to uzbekistan then, the weathers really good this time of the year
satya : really? i was thinkin turkey, good suggestn sham, c ya
L : Really great catchin' up with you both. Anyone here who wants advice? Helloooo?
raj : hi, one of m close friends said she wants to marry me, now i'm worried that she might be hinting that she might want more than just a good frandship.
L : No absolutely not, please don't lose a good frand by mistaking her intent. Is she hot?
rehana : i fot wid a boy and he marrd some1 n nw i like hm, i cnt 4gt hm n thnk f hm alwys. wt shd i do
L : I'm astonished that I was actually able to decipher your sms-like crap.
loverboy12: there's this girl i really really like. i asked her out many times and she kept saying no. then one day i sms'ed her and she said no on sms. since then i keep calling her and messaging her thousands of times a day but she never responds. should i just give up, please advise?
L : Keep trying. Persistence, boy, persistence. Women love that. Another good idea is anticipatory bail for stalking. That's all we have time for, folks. Next round coming up in a week, same time. Hope to run into more interesting people than this bunch! bye!
amresh : hi hi m 10 yr old boy in love with 12 yr old girl in school. pl help
L : Are you nuts? Go do your frikkin' homework, weird lil' brat...
srini : hi am hindu girl in love with muslim boy, his parents don't like the marriage. i feel like ending my life in world. pl help
L : Someone end my life in world
rocky : hi am muslim boy loving hindu girl and my parents are objecting
L : Stop right there. Refer answer above. Jeez. You two in the same chat room? What are you, 10?
amresh : no, i'm 10. in love with 12 yr old
L : You're still here, you spoilt little pain in the a**. Wait till i trace your ip
ridhi : hi i have life and death problem. i'm 12 yr old in love with
L : What is this- couples' chat day? Get out of my chat room, ye all
greg : hey man how you doing? ;)
L : Yeah dude, hit on me. Let's generate relationships. There don't seem to be any otherwise.
shamuddin : delhi daredevilry will win ipl
satya : go to pakstan where you belong
shamuddin : u go to uzbekistan then, the weathers really good this time of the year
satya : really? i was thinkin turkey, good suggestn sham, c ya
L : Really great catchin' up with you both. Anyone here who wants advice? Helloooo?
raj : hi, one of m close friends said she wants to marry me, now i'm worried that she might be hinting that she might want more than just a good frandship.
L : No absolutely not, please don't lose a good frand by mistaking her intent. Is she hot?
rehana : i fot wid a boy and he marrd some1 n nw i like hm, i cnt 4gt hm n thnk f hm alwys. wt shd i do
L : I'm astonished that I was actually able to decipher your sms-like crap.
loverboy12: there's this girl i really really like. i asked her out many times and she kept saying no. then one day i sms'ed her and she said no on sms. since then i keep calling her and messaging her thousands of times a day but she never responds. should i just give up, please advise?
L : Keep trying. Persistence, boy, persistence. Women love that. Another good idea is anticipatory bail for stalking. That's all we have time for, folks. Next round coming up in a week, same time. Hope to run into more interesting people than this bunch! bye!
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