Love gooru answers!

The following is a transcript of a live chat session with our in-house relationship expert affectionately called the 'love gooru'
amresh : hi hi m 10 yr old boy in love with 12 yr old girl in school. pl help
L : Are you nuts? Go do your frikkin' homework, weird lil' brat...
srini : hi am hindu girl in love with muslim boy, his parents don't like the marriage. i feel like ending my life in world. pl help
L : Someone end my life in world
rocky : hi am muslim boy loving hindu girl and my parents are objecting
L : Stop right there. Refer answer above. Jeez. You two in the same chat room? What are you, 10?
amresh : no, i'm 10. in love with 12 yr old
L : You're still here, you spoilt little pain in the a**. Wait till i trace your ip
ridhi : hi i have life and death problem. i'm 12 yr old in love with
L : What is this- couples' chat day? Get out of my chat room, ye all
greg : hey man how you doing? ;)
L : Yeah dude, hit on me. Let's generate relationships. There don't seem to be any otherwise.
shamuddin : delhi daredevilry will win ipl
satya : go to pakstan where you belong
shamuddin : u go to uzbekistan then, the weathers really good this time of the year
satya : really? i was thinkin turkey, good suggestn sham, c ya
L : Really great catchin' up with you both. Anyone here who wants advice? Helloooo?
raj : hi, one of m close friends said she wants to marry me, now i'm worried that she might be hinting that she might want more than just a good frandship.
L : No absolutely not, please don't lose a good frand by mistaking her intent. Is she hot?
rehana : i fot wid a boy and he marrd some1 n nw i like hm, i cnt 4gt hm n thnk f hm alwys. wt shd i do
L : I'm astonished that I was actually able to decipher your sms-like crap.
loverboy12: there's this girl i really really like. i asked her out many times and she kept saying no. then one day i sms'ed her and she said no on sms. since then i keep calling her and messaging her thousands of times a day but she never responds. should i just give up, please advise?
L : Keep trying. Persistence, boy, persistence. Women love that. Another good idea is anticipatory bail for stalking. That's all we have time for, folks. Next round coming up in a week, same time. Hope to run into more interesting people than this bunch! bye!

Mukesh Ambni buys BMC for 8 gazillion $

Reliable Industries, led by the world's richest man and business tycoon Mukesh Ambni acquired 100% of the equity of Bombay Municipal Corporation yesterday in a bold move that left the city pretty much indifferent as usual. Clandestine high-level negotiations have been going on for the past few months, revealed a company source. Both sides had hard-nosed negotiators who fought for every inch, delaying the closing by many months. Sources say Mukesh was very keen on VT, where he'd planned a second bungalow at a cost of 23 bazookillion dollars and the Oval for his son to play throwball with Shaun Pollock. BMC wished to retain management control over these and had to throw in Pedder Road and Borivilli Fast in return. The younger of the Ambni brothers, Sanil, not to be left behind, has put in a bid to buy Thane creek, which he plans to convert into a luxurious swimming pool at the cost of an arm and a leg.
Sena activists disrupted the announcement and restated their demand to find-replace B with M in all known nouns in the world. ''B' is a legacy left by the British. Are we not independent yet?' fumed an angry Mal Thackery. 'Mera Mharat mahaan. Mera Mummai mahaan' shouted the demonstrators, most of whom melonged to the Majrang Dal's Mhandup mranch.

Srisanth weeps uncontrollably again : Jumps to #2 in Times' 'world's most influential' list

'He hit me for six 4s in one over' gushed a weeping Srisanth in the post match conference as Jaipur Jokers crushed Chennai Chums in the final of the Indian Premiere League yesterday, 'I haven't been smashed so badly even in underarm cricket'.
Ace paceman Srisanth's bowling took a beating in the final and he returned figures of 4 overs for 80 and no wicket. He had a good reason to cry this time and cry he did- he was apparently inconsolable for hours after the match.
While he had little to cheer about in the match, what would have come as a pleasant surprise to him and his family was the Time's 'most influential people' list that's updated every few hours on the Times' website. The widespread media coverage of Srisanth's teary-eyed interview seems to have made him a familiar ugly sighting in every corner of the globe. Little wonder that he jumped from #132475 to #2 in a matter of 3 hours yesterday night on the list. The other Indians in the list are PV.Narasimha Rao (#23), Mandira Bedi (#45), Inspector Karamchand (#57), arbitrary mahout-cum-snake-charmer man (#73) and the Nano (#103). Srisanth's climb in the rankings is definitely an indicator of India finding its rightful place in the world, readers feel.