Don't care about novel contract : Repulsive represser

Rohit Dev looks like any other 25 year old Mumbaikar. But it is a different story altogether on blogosphere, where he's made a brand for himself. Readers (all four of them) will know him better as the repulsive represser (repulsiverepresser.blogspot.com) a blogger who's shocked the online world through the generally inane and downright dull material on his blog.
'I didn't realise my blog would actually be read by others - I just started writing online instead of my daily journal' he says modestly. 'There was this girl I used to stalk in college who came up with the name. I took an immediate liking to it and I knew instinctively that it would strike a chord with the youth of today'
With 4 hits and 2 profile views in two years, strike a chord the blog has certainly done.
'Desire- the root of all evil is probably the post that everyone enjoyed. I personally also like You are your own moral police' says Rohit.
'How does it feel to have lost out on a novel contract with India's most respected publishing companies?', I prod,'My platonic experiences sounds like a winner to me - what were the grounds on which it was rejected?'
He considers this question before answering.
'I don't really care. It is very sad that publishers are driven entirely by market forces. I heard just yesterday that the compulsive confectioner's got a million dollar advance to write a full length novel about how she used chocolate coated sex toys to build a spaceship for a 3rd standard science project. I do admit that I find the contents of her blog educational but a full-length novel?' he trails off.

Vast gaps in intelligence : PM

Under attack for the way national security has been handled, Prime Minister Singgh on Wednesday admitted that there were indeed vast gaps in intelligence in the system, at the concluding day of the two-day Conference being held at Vidhan Bhavan.
"There is no question about the government being soft on terrorism," Mr. Singgh started. After a pause, he added, 'It's not rhetorical. I'm actually asking you guys. How come there's no question about the government being soft on terrorism? That's a pleasant surprise'

'I think this is the time for tougher laws governing terrorist acts. As is obvious, these bombers are obviously not following any of the laws we painstakingly enact from time to time. The solution is not better terrorists - it is better laws.'

'I have always felt this big gap in intelligence in our political system. For instance, I always thought I was hugely smarter than Mamata' he said, 'Lately, the gap has become so wide that people just don't seem to understand what I'm saying'

Nowhere is this gap in intelligence felt more than between the people conducting the serial blasts and those who are supposed to prevent it. In a clandestine IQ test held recently, the Indian Hujahideen outperformed the Intelligence Bureau by more than 50% sparking widespread changes in blast-policy. The terrorist outfit immediately released a note to the press giving away detailed notes of where blasts have been planned over the next 10 years. 'Now that we know these chaps are slow, it's only fair that we give them time to study the drawings and the plan. It's no fun otherwise.' a masked spokesperson said.

Other parties expressed similar sentiments as the PM except Gaj Thawkre's SNM, Mumbai. 'We need legislation to get these plans in Marathi and French so that my son and I can go through these' said a visibly embarrassed Gaj Thawkre, when asked about his views.

Review for sale

Good movie : Bad review :
These are easy to write. The following tips will help
1. Expectation mismatch : You know that Amir Khan is the creator of this piece and you walk into the theater expecting the world. The outcome though is far from satisfying and you leave a disappointed soul,
2. Random historical references : still searching for the same magic as say ' Rangeela' or even 'Raakh' where the man displayed a shrewd understanding of his audience. This is not to say
3. Disclaimers : that the movie is not without noble intent. It does have its moments but the message just gets lost along the way.

Bad movie : Good review : This is dicey because people will be out for your skin once you make them blow 300 bucks to watch some shit in a multiplex.
1. Insignificant details : Kiran Kher just oozes screen presence in the 30 second role she has. It is a short cameo admittedly but she just lights up the screen, reminding us of
2. Compare with old but hit crap : Mithoonda's Disko dancer. If you want to
3. Glorify the unadulteratedness of the nonsense : leave your brains behind and enjoy 3 hours of pure meaningless harmless fun, this is right up your alley. The director wants to have fun and makes no bones about it. This supremely over-indulgent
4. More detail, exaggeration : movie has perhaps the best right-hand-slapping-left-cheek scene ever in the history of Indian cinema when Kiran lovingly thrashes the hero.
example : http://www.rediff.com/movies/2008/aug/08singh1.htm
Can't think of an example for the first category, can you?