Wondering what the next big app is, you smartphone junkies? Here's a list from the future.
1. Listen : With people trying to multi-task and hold an intelligent conversation while also fiddling with their smartphones, it's lately become possible to have a conversation where the phone fiddler only catches the last word in each sentence he/she hears.
Me : I think the kangaroo there and the panda are going to do it. Woohoo that's hot.
You : (while texting someone) uhuh...hmmm...yeah it's getting hot here. Let's head elsewhere
Me : You are a dimwitted peasant. Your brain is so small it would fit into that cellphone cover.
You : Yeah na, I got it at Crawford market.
The icon would be a human ear. When you open this app, you get an abusive text pop up on your phone that says 'Stop fiddling around with your phone and look up and listen to the human being talking to you' 'And don't look back here till you are alone and no one is talking to you, real or imaginary'
2. Ask maps : Ever got lost trusting google maps or other such duds? Ask maps always, always works. When you click on it, the app prompts you with detailed instructions such as :
- Slow down your vehicle or skateboard
- Find someone
- Ask him/her for directions
- Repeat if necessary
3. Call : This one's pretty straightforward. If you've forgotten how to do voice on the device (-do I skype a recorded message or do I attach an audio on whatsapp?) the 'call' app could save your life. The app prompts you to enter a valid phone number of the friend you want to export some voice to and then, get this, repeats the same number digit by digit, out aloud so you can dial it. It even says the word 'dial' before each digit.
4. Whatsnotapp : Missing the solitude and inaction of the golden times when communication was not so easy especially with large groups? Whatsnotapp guarantees strict and complete privacy. You click the app open and type any crap you want and it gets sent to only one user in the entire universe - you guessed it - yourself. Since you then have double records of your private thoughts and feelings it's like the data is already backed up. Sample this conversation I had with myself today (made public on my special request to myself)
Nothing happening.
Nothing happening.
Bored.
Bored.
I think I feel like eating tender coconut icecream.
I think I feel like eating tender coconut icecream.
Maybe not.
Maybe not.
Bored.
Bored.
5. Gangstagram : This app is more of a supervisory app that controls your smartphone photography. You need to fill in some answers to simple queries before the camera in your phone becomes functional. Every single time you feel the urge to take a snap. Some sample exchanges :
Where are you right now?
At a rock concert.
No.
Why not?
Because enjoy the concert, don't watch it through a 3 inch by 3 inch screen
What are you focusing on?
Bird on tree.
No.
Why not?
Because write 200 words on any of the following topics : a)birds b)photography
1. Listen : With people trying to multi-task and hold an intelligent conversation while also fiddling with their smartphones, it's lately become possible to have a conversation where the phone fiddler only catches the last word in each sentence he/she hears.
Me : I think the kangaroo there and the panda are going to do it. Woohoo that's hot.
You : (while texting someone) uhuh...hmmm...yeah it's getting hot here. Let's head elsewhere
Me : You are a dimwitted peasant. Your brain is so small it would fit into that cellphone cover.
You : Yeah na, I got it at Crawford market.
The icon would be a human ear. When you open this app, you get an abusive text pop up on your phone that says 'Stop fiddling around with your phone and look up and listen to the human being talking to you' 'And don't look back here till you are alone and no one is talking to you, real or imaginary'
2. Ask maps : Ever got lost trusting google maps or other such duds? Ask maps always, always works. When you click on it, the app prompts you with detailed instructions such as :
- Slow down your vehicle or skateboard
- Find someone
- Ask him/her for directions
- Repeat if necessary
3. Call : This one's pretty straightforward. If you've forgotten how to do voice on the device (-do I skype a recorded message or do I attach an audio on whatsapp?) the 'call' app could save your life. The app prompts you to enter a valid phone number of the friend you want to export some voice to and then, get this, repeats the same number digit by digit, out aloud so you can dial it. It even says the word 'dial' before each digit.
4. Whatsnotapp : Missing the solitude and inaction of the golden times when communication was not so easy especially with large groups? Whatsnotapp guarantees strict and complete privacy. You click the app open and type any crap you want and it gets sent to only one user in the entire universe - you guessed it - yourself. Since you then have double records of your private thoughts and feelings it's like the data is already backed up. Sample this conversation I had with myself today (made public on my special request to myself)
Nothing happening.
Nothing happening.
Bored.
Bored.
I think I feel like eating tender coconut icecream.
I think I feel like eating tender coconut icecream.
Maybe not.
Maybe not.
Bored.
Bored.
5. Gangstagram : This app is more of a supervisory app that controls your smartphone photography. You need to fill in some answers to simple queries before the camera in your phone becomes functional. Every single time you feel the urge to take a snap. Some sample exchanges :
Where are you right now?
At a rock concert.
No.
Why not?
Because enjoy the concert, don't watch it through a 3 inch by 3 inch screen
What are you focusing on?
Bird on tree.
No.
Why not?
Because write 200 words on any of the following topics : a)birds b)photography
