Siv Seina buys suicide wing from Al Qaida for 2 bn$

In a landmark transaction that marks the coming of age of Indian M&A, Mumbai's very own Siv Seina (SS) bought 100% of the equity of Al Qaida's suicide wing for 2 bn$. Trade analysts have called the deal 'overpriced' and 'suicidal' but the management is gung-ho as usual about the new merged entity.

The genesis of the deal was some innovative thinking from the senior management of SS when responding to a war cry from the party supremo, who had urged the party to start a suicide wing to counter the threat that Islamic terrorist groups posed. The management realised that starting this wing from scratch would take a lot of time and effort whereas a ready-made solution existed - growth through the inorganic route.
Meanwhile Al Qaida was looking to hive off its suicide wing which had been bleeding for many years. This resulted in the perfect marriage, something that no one would have seen coming even a few weeks back, given the history of differences between the two parties. 'This proves that terrorist groups everywhere are fundamentally the same' said Abu Kazi, 'The fund inflow will be used to digitally remaster some Osama tapes that are in production including a romantic comedy and an out-and-out action thriller'
'With technology and manpower transfer from the suicide wing, we should be able to do at least a couple of bombings every month', SS Chairman Fackeray said non-committally,' We are retaining Al Qaida's top management, so there may be issues on which communities to target. The problem is the census survey is also outdated, so there is really no scientific way of doing this, apart from taking an SMS vote and so on. So we are keeping our staff entertained by making them watch Sarkar Raj-3 multiple times so as to simulate suicide and near-death conditions.'
The state government has taken a serious view of this episode and is scrutinising the deal documents for evidence of tax violations.