'Whichever route is quicker'
'No no, beta. These sort of things don't make a difference to me. In my entire life, I have always believed that this is a matter of business. The meter is on, so whatever is your wish shall be the route. It is right no? You understand, no, the concept?...blah blah
Uh Oh. The profound cabbie syndrome. And this was a long cab ride. To someone who can go from geography to one's world-view in two seconds as demonstrated above, thirty minutes was a lifetime.
'OK. JJ then'
'Where do you live?'
'Colaba'
'Yeah, thought so. I took one look and I knew that you had to be in that area'
Genius.
'Your parents? Are you married?'
'My parents are not in Colaba. I'm not married'
Talking about where my parents were would have led to a flurry of questions. I thought I'd stick to Colaba and be done with it.
'Parents are everything but marriage is also important. What is man? What thing is man. It's funny sometimes.'
Maybe I should just get out and take the train. People rarely bother others in a train other than to pick up fights which are generally uncomplicated and short-lived.
'When my father was in the village, he used to say to me. Do things but do them honestly. Whatever one does, one should do well. It can be anything.'
'Does your cab have a radio?'
'I look at these new taxi drivers and I feel sad. What? No. There is no radio. So these new taxi drivers. They don't respect. That's the problem'
Where is my i-pod when I need it?
'But God is there. God never lets one down'
This is a topic that could expand exponentially and become a gigantic time-bubble that would fill up every second of the rest of the ride many times over. I had to intervene before things got...er...deeper.
'Where are you from?'
'Me? A small village called Misapur about 53 km...blah'
A detailed description of the place. How to get there. The cheapest way to get there. How many times he has been there in the last ten years. I gradually switched off.
'...Marriage works only when the woman is good'
Hell. How did he get back there from Misapur?
'You should get married. Don't mistake me. I always speak whatever I feel. I speak from the heart. I think one should always speak the truth. You will end up with enemies. Isn't it? Hahahaha'
'Haha...haha' I laughed lamely. I guess I didn't want to mess around with a profound cabbie especially when he was talking about enemies. Also silence, I noticed, only tended to make him repeat himself till he got an appropriate reaction.
'What does one have after all? I ask you. This money etc. Can you take it when you die?'
I got the feeling his meter didn't exactly share this nonchalance about money.
'Is your meter good?'
'It is a pukka meter. I don't do such things. In my entire life I have always blah blah'
I had my doubts. Meanwhile, an angry silence replaced the friendly banter. Five minutes. Ten minutes. Destination approaching. Phew. Stop.
'Pay as much as you want, since you don't trust me'
Awww. 'OK. I pay 200 bucks usually. Here'
'How can you do such as thing? Your home will be ruined, I tell you'
'220? take it or leave it'
Takes it but the tirade continues.
'How can you be like this? All this for 30 rupees.' Drives off in a huff.
Must explain why Mumbaiites still queue up to buy cars knowing they will never touch 20 kmph.
