Friday, December 26, 2008

It's Qazab vs Salim this election

Veteran SBP leader Abu Salim, MP of the Muzabarpur constituency, will face tough competition in the upcoming Indian general elections from young gun Qazab (of the Mumbai attacks' fame) who heads the youth wing of BDS. The opinion polls indicate that the situation is interestingly poised.
There is little to choose between the candidates. Qazab has a track record of fearless attacks and his high intensity training at Karachi seems to have stood him in good stead. Salim, on the other hand is now a well-known face and has the experience of running giant corporations that carry out drug deals, extortion, kidnaps and so on.
'I learnt a great deal from the Mumbai attacks. That was a rough time in my life and I had to spend a few days in jail as well, which was a humbling experience. But that was where my cell mates encouraged me to look at politics as a career' said Qazab, in a telephonic chat, 'When the Bakawati Commision report came out this year, acquitting me and my friends in the 26/11 attacks, I was overjoyed' he said,'I still remember the Mumbai attacks fondly. Despite the loss of lives, you have to admit that if not for this, no one would recognise me on the streets.' When asked about the issue of his nationality, Qazab had this to say -'The aam Indian voter does not care about where the neta is from. All he wants is food'
And food it is that BDS promises - two bags of rice in return for every vote. Salim bhai, on the other hand is depending on cash bribes and also a high profile campaign including dance numbers by his long time friend Bonica Medi.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Qazab brought down to 11, commisioner still not happy

The ongoing negotiations between Mumbai police and captured terrorist Qazab ended on a positive note today, said official sources. Qazab, who demanded on Saturday that the official record of the attacks show that 25 armed terrorists entered Indian waters for the attack last week, brought down this number to 11, faced with tremendous pressure from the police negotiators and public outcry. While this outcome was seen as good, the city commisioner said there was scope for a further reduction. 'We have him on the backfoot' he said.
'We can't permit so many to enter our country at one time. 25 is just not acceptable' the Navy head had gone on air saying late last night. Qazab, in an exclusive interview with NTDV, had said that he was OK with 15 plus. 'We have invested a lot in this complicated assignment. It would be an insult to our organisation to have any number less than 15 in the records. If you want the number to be reduced, we will disown this whole thing and let our infant-wing, dekkan hujahideen take credit' he threatened. 'And what about the 14 terrorists hiding in Mumbai right now? Spare a thought for them' he urged.
This did not go down well with the average Mumbaikar. 'It is a day of shame for all of us. It feels like my own home has been invaded by approximately more than 20 people' said an angry activist.
The tense negotiations today included an offer to get the remaining escaped 14 terrorists normal citizenship to avoid public panic and get their boat tickets pre-dated. Qazab also promised that they would not create trouble for a few months. 'They are anyway shy of publicity and also a little scared of the seething Mumbaikar and his rallies' he said, smiling.

Monday, December 1, 2008

Nothing to offer

What do you want from me? I can't help you out. I'm also pretty sure nobody can. Unless you want cliches about time healing your wounds, if you have lost someone in the attacks. Or about how you are in a peaceful place at least now, if you died.
Do condolences help you? You are either my half-acquaintance, my friend's friend, or someone I saw on TV or someone I don't know or have heard of. I can express my condolences. And I can adorn it with adjectives. I don't think I should call you or meet you because I don't think you would want to meet anybody. I can't get myself to email you because I can't find the right words. Everything sounds shallow. It's unfair in a way. What words match death in depth? I think about chucking the idea. Unexpressed condolences are also condolences.
I want to donate blood. Some of you are alive and injured and may need blood. The queues to donate in the hospital are long. My blood group is a common group and will probably not be required. Maybe I should still go across and give it a shot. But there are likely to be security problems and they probably won't let me in the area. I guess I won't go. Maybe I should volunteer. These hospital websites aren't loading. For good reason-people are checking about their missing family members. I decide not to overload the website traffic. And volunteer as what? I don't want to counsel you. If I were in your place, god forbid - sorry, I doubt if counseling would work. My effectively rationalising mind finds a way through most messes. Maybe this time there's a subtle difference in that I came closer to doing something. This coming closer to action is something I owe you.
I can't seem to get back to normal work. I hate news but I'm still addicted to it. My mind is clouded. I'm not particularly sad or angry, just in a haze. Also frustrated. How can these news sites be updated every 5 seconds, I ask myself rationally, but my hands seem to be on their own trip, refreshing, refreshing, refreshing the page. The pity is I can't even read an entire article, even ones I start with immense interest. Who gives a damn? What does death have to do with foreign policy? I get back to drafting an appropriate email to a half-acquaintance, again in vain. These idle hours in the office are not constructive in any way. These hours are because of you and so they are for you.
I'd have preferred donating a part of my salary to buy these policemen vests that are actually bullet-proof. There is probably a government budget for this, it's just not being utilised. I have paid my taxes. I present to you my bullshitty 'it's the government's job' argument but I also know that it's only as useless to you as a monetary donation. The only difference is that I would have felt like I had done something concrete in the latter case but then this isn't about me.
What else can I do? Do you really care if I vote or participate in rallies? Nothing works here. I'm just hanging around waiting for the next round. I empathise with the common people of J&K and for a brief moment, also feel patriotic concern about the whole country turning into a security-less state. We can probably adjust to that as well. 'Normalcy' can be a constantly shifting state and more and more uniforms will figure in our daily lives. I share your despondency and I shake my head when you do and say, as you do, that the dead aren't coming back. And we are all done for. I will probably agree to everything you say, which is not good for you. I should stay away.
People are suddenly nicer, and I think that will last for a week. The other noises by temporarily vigilant citizens and temporarily active government officials will probably die out in two. Your loss (or going away) is having an effect. You are in my head as well, along with a feeling of inadequacy, a kind of intense helplessness. If I were stronger or if this were the first time, this would have made me do something, or try to do something. I know better now and just vent. My time and with it, my incoherent writing is dedicated to your loss. It's not anything but I really have nothing else.

Have faith in bullshit - Dy CM tells Mumbai

'A prolonged period of bullshit was effective in countering terrorism after the train blasts of '06. We should stick to the same formula', Dy CM, R Tapil said today in a press conference. 'We must also strengthen our army, navy, schools, hospitals, citizens and families. We cannot afford to sit back. We must act. This is not the time to not act. Or sit back, as I mentioned. Action is very important. We have already heard a lot of talk, I'm sorry to say' he said, visibly disturbed.
'Mumbaikars have a different sort of rage now. They want action. The previous time they were just angry enough for inaction to also be a possible course but not this time' added MP Doera.
Mumbai, the golden haired cocker spaniel of a city that it is, limped back to normal like a sick cow that's spread its legs too many times. It is a sleeping giant of a cosmos with a plethora of castes, animals, flyovers, religions and suburbs and at times seems like a starry night sky only to be spoilt by a supernova. It is a resilient rubber band, a mother to all dreamers, free as a fiddle.
Huge crowds were spotted around the attack-sites, cheering the squads and not allowing them to do any of their mopping-up work. ' We want peace, not war. North and South are the same' shouted one activist as he threw himself on one of the military personnel trying to defuse a grenade, creating some moments of tense confusion.
Meanwhile, an email written by a attacker locked in at the hotel, to IIS of Pakishtan was intercepted yesterday with the text 'need approval to use minibar stop ran out of badam stop' This was flatly denied by the Pakishtani government that said, in an official release ' We have always maintained that the people we send to work on Indian assignments are of a top-notch quality, much unlike these morons'.
The Hujahideen has sent details of its next target and the detailed plan of action for sourcing the explosives, training the personnel and so on, to the Inteligence Bureau. 'They have given us a year's notice this time. We have enough time to buy metal-tipped lathis for the policemen in the targeted area. Also the entire station is to be re-painted and this kind of reform is bound to be a slap in the face of such terrorists' said a senior official.
Filmmaker Ramgopalverrma has been invited by the state government to take on the mantle of chief investigator in the attacks and the investigation is expected to be complete abruptly in two hours and be released in five languages.
Media and news agencies have been busy trying to contact the families of the dead for comments.
Disclaimer : Just venting frustration. Willing to remove post if found insensitive.