Date a girl who dates

Date a girl who dates. Date a girl who spends her money on boys instead of books or clothes or travel. Who has problems with closet space because she has too many boys stacked up there. Date a girl who has a list of boys she wants to date and that's what she ever wanted to do.
You’ll know when you see her because she'll have a boy around, taking her instructions. She’s the girl sitting with her boyfriend in the coffee shop down the street. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who date do not like to be interrupted. He might give you a glare too because boys who date also do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the boy who's with her.
Buy her another cup of coffee.
Let her know what you really think of the guy she's sitting with.
It’s easy to date a girl who dates. It's much tougher to date a girl who doesn't. That element of coercion is no longer considered legal in most countries. Give her boys for her birthday, for Christmas, for anniversaries. Give her the gift of men. Give her Homer, Joyce, Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Or other men without funny literature-type names.
Lie to her. If she understands men, she will understand your need to lie. It will not be the end of the world.
Fail her. Because a girl who dates knows failure.
If you find a girl who dates, keep her close. For obvious reasons. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a boy to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. And him. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. Though the guy might too, sometimes. Lose the guy preferably.
Date a girl who dates because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. But if you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who dates.
Or better yet, date a girl who dates girls.

Post feminism

Dear diary,
You won't like believe what like happened to me today. I went over to our neighbours' for tea after their repeated like invitations. Big Mistake. Unsuspecting li'l ole me enters and guess what! Aunty says 'Come in, beta, we've been expecting you, sit here'
Like I don't know where to sit just because like you know I'm a mod young woman. Well, forgive me, old lady, I have a life!
Soon enough, Uncle launches into intimate personal territory. Uh oh. Here it comes. 'Where do you work beta?'. Man o man! Don't tell me you don't get the subtext. What he actually meant to ask is 'Why do you work, you're a woman. You should be married by now and have 10 kids'
Well, old man, you are a 60 year old loser who didn't get anywhere in life, you don't have the right to judge me, please! Your wife may be the types who does karva chauth, I'd rather just kill myself than do all that shit. And the brazen duo weren't done just yet.
'Pass the water zara'. Right, like a traditional bharatiya naari. Why don't I just marry your son and massage your feet, you old sod? My only humble, humble question to you is what frikkin business is it of yours when I get married or if at all, and when I have kids. You didn't think twice before sending your idiot son abroad and let him settle there, did you? Fancy NRI job for your son, but when it comes to your neighbour who's a woman and who you call beta fondly, she has to deal with 'where do you work?' and 'pass the water'? Well, no disrespect, but here's a thought. Why don't you and your wife frikkin mind your own business like?
How much longer will we women be shackled by societal rules? This old couple decides when I get married? When I do it with my husband and how many times? Well, I have two words for you, get frikkin lost!
Diary, remind me to never eva eva again accept an invitation from this senile couple that's stuck in a time warp, in an era where women were supposed to follow their rules.
And remind me every day that I'm free. I'm me. G'nite!

Volunteering

Him: "So how long have you been associated with this NGO?"
Me: "A year now, what about you?"
Him: "This is my first visit actually. I got a call from Arvind last week asking if I would like to volunteer with his organisation sometime. I said pehle tho let me come and take a look at the facilities and the kind of work you do..."
Me:"Oh ok"
Him:"It's important to be very clear you know, so that's why I'm here to see what his NGO does. If I have to give time on weekends, and you know how that is, we work on weekdays and weekends are to relax..."
I had a vague sense that I should have hovered around 'where do you work-where do you live-how do you commute-so much traffic' type small talk. I wouldn't have had to listen to this guy's philosophy of work then.
Me: "So, busy job eh? Where do you work?"
He didn't take the bait though.
Him: "At a bank. So this better be worth it. It needs to be meaningful. And you know what I'm most worried about?"
That you have priced your weekend time out of the market, so now no one wants to spend weekends with you and you will die alone on a Sunday afternoon. He didn't wait for a response.
Him: "About political affiliation. Know what I mean? The last, the absolute last thing I want is to be a piece of someone's political agenda."
What in hell's name was this guy yapping about? What did volunteering to play football with some slum children have to do with politics?
Him: "Or even worse, religious propaganda. You know? Like, we need to see if their sources of funding are clean."
Who's we?
Me: "So how do you plan on contributing in case, you know, they 'pass' your screening?"
Him: "I like to take my time, I'll probably be an observer for a bit"
He wants to watch some kids play football and add that as his CV point.
Him: "I think it'll probably be inputs on systems and processes. I'm an MBA"
Do you know the difference between a system and a process even? Your brain and your mouth, for example, form a system. Establishing that you're an opinionated non-value adder everytime you open your mouth to talk, is a process.
Me: "Right, so you'll watch the games on weekends..."
Him: "Not right away. I think I have some free slots in March - I hope to get more actively involved then. All that's if I find the organisation neutral, if you know what I mean. Hahahaha"
Me: "Haha haha"
I have no spine. My knowing half laugh meant I'm now a co-conspirator in this religio-politico meaningfulness NGO audit where this weirdo will decide whether the NGO is worth the zero value that he brings to the table. That does it. I do not want this guy to ever turn up again.
Me: "Why are our free t-shirts saffron-green. Hmm, wonder if that means something"
Him: "You think? Noooo I don't think so...you think? Hmm"