Don't care about novel contract : Repulsive represser

Rohit Dev looks like any other 25 year old Mumbaikar. But it is a different story altogether on blogosphere, where he's made a brand for himself. Readers (all four of them) will know him better as the repulsive represser (repulsiverepresser.blogspot.com) a blogger who's shocked the online world through the generally inane and downright dull material on his blog.
'I didn't realise my blog would actually be read by others - I just started writing online instead of my daily journal' he says modestly. 'There was this girl I used to stalk in college who came up with the name. I took an immediate liking to it and I knew instinctively that it would strike a chord with the youth of today'
With 4 hits and 2 profile views in two years, strike a chord the blog has certainly done.
'Desire- the root of all evil is probably the post that everyone enjoyed. I personally also like You are your own moral police' says Rohit.
'How does it feel to have lost out on a novel contract with India's most respected publishing companies?', I prod,'My platonic experiences sounds like a winner to me - what were the grounds on which it was rejected?'
He considers this question before answering.
'I don't really care. It is very sad that publishers are driven entirely by market forces. I heard just yesterday that the compulsive confectioner's got a million dollar advance to write a full length novel about how she used chocolate coated sex toys to build a spaceship for a 3rd standard science project. I do admit that I find the contents of her blog educational but a full-length novel?' he trails off.

Vast gaps in intelligence : PM

Under attack for the way national security has been handled, Prime Minister Singgh on Wednesday admitted that there were indeed vast gaps in intelligence in the system, at the concluding day of the two-day Conference being held at Vidhan Bhavan.
"There is no question about the government being soft on terrorism," Mr. Singgh started. After a pause, he added, 'It's not rhetorical. I'm actually asking you guys. How come there's no question about the government being soft on terrorism? That's a pleasant surprise'

'I think this is the time for tougher laws governing terrorist acts. As is obvious, these bombers are obviously not following any of the laws we painstakingly enact from time to time. The solution is not better terrorists - it is better laws.'

'I have always felt this big gap in intelligence in our political system. For instance, I always thought I was hugely smarter than Mamata' he said, 'Lately, the gap has become so wide that people just don't seem to understand what I'm saying'

Nowhere is this gap in intelligence felt more than between the people conducting the serial blasts and those who are supposed to prevent it. In a clandestine IQ test held recently, the Indian Hujahideen outperformed the Intelligence Bureau by more than 50% sparking widespread changes in blast-policy. The terrorist outfit immediately released a note to the press giving away detailed notes of where blasts have been planned over the next 10 years. 'Now that we know these chaps are slow, it's only fair that we give them time to study the drawings and the plan. It's no fun otherwise.' a masked spokesperson said.

Other parties expressed similar sentiments as the PM except Gaj Thawkre's SNM, Mumbai. 'We need legislation to get these plans in Marathi and French so that my son and I can go through these' said a visibly embarrassed Gaj Thawkre, when asked about his views.

Review for sale

Good movie : Bad review :
These are easy to write. The following tips will help
1. Expectation mismatch : You know that Amir Khan is the creator of this piece and you walk into the theater expecting the world. The outcome though is far from satisfying and you leave a disappointed soul,
2. Random historical references : still searching for the same magic as say ' Rangeela' or even 'Raakh' where the man displayed a shrewd understanding of his audience. This is not to say
3. Disclaimers : that the movie is not without noble intent. It does have its moments but the message just gets lost along the way.

Bad movie : Good review : This is dicey because people will be out for your skin once you make them blow 300 bucks to watch some shit in a multiplex.
1. Insignificant details : Kiran Kher just oozes screen presence in the 30 second role she has. It is a short cameo admittedly but she just lights up the screen, reminding us of
2. Compare with old but hit crap : Mithoonda's Disko dancer. If you want to
3. Glorify the unadulteratedness of the nonsense : leave your brains behind and enjoy 3 hours of pure meaningless harmless fun, this is right up your alley. The director wants to have fun and makes no bones about it. This supremely over-indulgent
4. More detail, exaggeration : movie has perhaps the best right-hand-slapping-left-cheek scene ever in the history of Indian cinema when Kiran lovingly thrashes the hero.
example : http://www.rediff.com/movies/2008/aug/08singh1.htm
Can't think of an example for the first category, can you?

Deiv Anand makes autobiographical movie: sues himself for defamation

Bollywood veteran Deiv Anand launched his latest movie 'What was I thinking?', touted to be the man's swan-song. Jacky Shroff plays Deiv Anand in this semi-autobiographical movie and also four other roles. 'I always like working with fresh faces like Jacky' said Deiv saab, forgetting that Jacky dada is a veteran himself.

The story is of a film-maker whose life follows a strange pattern. For each hit that he delivers, 50 of his movies flop. At least that's what he thinks till his 52nd movie also flops, shattering his hope and dream of one day making a movie that people other than him actually watch.

'I'm as nervous as I was last year when Guide was released' Deiv saab chatters on incoherently, 'I only wish someone would watch this bloody movie'

He also confirmed rumours that he was taking action against himself and the producer, again himself, for having depicted himself in a bad light in the movie. 'There are creative boundaries that should not be crossed, which I'm sad to say have been crossed, despite my warnings. It's alright to imitate me but I have to admit I was hurt watching the rushes, at being caricatured like this. I have filed for damages amounting to Re 1, which will cover Jackie's salary if not anything else' he roared.

India leads tally in SMS-Olympics : Deepica Paducone wins High Jump

For the 5th consecutive day, the Indian contingent led the medals tally in the 2008 SMS-Olympics held in Delhi but mostly on the portal vote-for-gold.com. Readers will know the innovative format of this competition, where a list of nominees is submitted a month in advance by each country and medals are decided during the olympics on a majority of SMS votes. Deepica Paducone won the women's singles tennis gold 6-0, 6-0 against Maria Sarapova, who was expected to put up a tough fight especially after posing in revealing costumes for Playboy in March this year. Sania Mizra narrowly missed out in the women's doubles because of a wrist injury. 'Couldn't send enough sms'es. My surgery is affecting my performance' she said. Deepica also won 17 other gold medals in unrelated events - high jump, badminton, swimming, diving and gymnastics, taking India's tally to 405 golds in the competition so far. This is in addition to the sms-oscars she won last month for best actress, actor, newcomer, child artiste, light boy and stunt double. 'What a gift to give the country on a long weekend! Deepica reflects the hope of a generation' said the Union Sports Minister in an interview yesterday. 'Even when she was in school, she used to be terrible', her school teacher remembered fondly.

Definitions for the corporate rookie - I

Exposure : A powerful and easy way of extracting work from the innocent. It just means you have to work hard now so that you can get used to it and work hard later.
Challenge : Euphemism for shit work that no one else is willing to do.
Adversity : Synonym of shit - coined because it rhymes with many more words than shit and hence lends itself to poetry.
Learning : If your income is too small to justify the quantum of your work and you also believe you are higher on Maslow's than you actually are, this will do the trick.
Proactiveness : A trait that is used to fast-track the stupid ahead of the innocents.
Team player : A trait used to fast-track the vending-machine flirts ahead of the working innocents.
High quality work : Low quality work
Talent : Human beings
Genius : Human beings who turn up for work

Blahrb

-Siddick's is a fresh new voice in Indian fiction that begs hearing in today's world of corruption, communal violence, world peace, bad movies and cheap alcohol. He may not only be the least important author of his generation but has also turned out a masterpiece that is perhaps best described by those who made the mistake of reading it.
-This book is a race-horse-power-packed-non-stop-pace-maker triumph. It is dark and chilling (where I live) but that's only because there's a power-cut in my house. Vintage Siddick.
- Pick this novel up on a lazy summer afternoon and lose yourself in sleep. This one's a page-turner and you will regret being born mid-way through the 890 pages.
- This is an important book. It covers the difficult terrain of balderdash that other writers ignore, with the admirable clumsiness and a general disdain for the reader's intellect that has now come to characterise most of Siddick's work.
- The book appears, deceptively so, to be an epic saga covering several generations to the undiscerning reader but it operates on many levels and raises some fundamental questions about buying the book.
- Siddick is almost deliberately plain in his phrasing. Yet his book has that ineffable lyrical quality to it and a couple of sentences rhyme awkwardly. An absolute piece de resistance, a novel non pareil, a rare achievemento, a novel without raison-d-etre.
- A surprisingly poignant and pithy tale. This is a writer at the depth of his craft.