Sachan half-century auctions for 1 mn $ : Has to win match - says SRKK

The unfolding IPL drama took a new turn today as the next phase of auctions began - the bids for individual performances. The cricketers laughed all the way to the bank as bids touched unprecedented levels. Leading the pack was veteran brand endorser Sachan Gundulkar who made a cool 1 million USD for hitting a half-century in the upcoming one day match against the Chennai Chamelis, to be played next Tuesday.
SRKK who owns the team was visibly in a grumpy mood in the auction and threatened some reporters with the six-pack that he carries to work these days even when not shooting for a movie. Times Correspondent Sheeba caught up with him however, for a brief chat.
"I had no idea I would have to buy out these performances. For the match this Tuesday, I have bought a Sachan 50, two third-umpire not-out decisions, and four crowd jeers of 'monkey' aimed at Symands when he is in the outfield. That's not enough to win the match, is it?"
The bids for wrong umpiring decisions shot up as the day progressed and the two sides led by SRKK and Malia were caught in a shouting match. SRKK bought a Sachan 50 for 1 mn USD but Malia shot back by buying a Fucknor decision to give Sachan out 'lbw' in the 2nd over. After heated negotiations chaired by starlet Bandira and Adul Wassan, who, to remind readers, started his cricket career directly in the commentary room, the bidding teams decided to concede a Sachan 50 in exchange for a cheap exit for Sehwaj for a paltry 8 runs.
The only man to gain from this arrangement was Sehwaj, who expected to get out at 5 and the additional 3 runs were an 'unekchpected bonanja' in the words of his relative.
SRKK, under advice from his lawyers, asked for a re-wording of the agreement, adding a clause binding Sachan to make a match-winning half-century, keeping in mind Sachan's recent strike rate of a run every 8 balls.
"I don't care. Cricket is a team game. I think we are thinking too much. We should all just go out there and try as a team to get me my 50!" said Sachan, slamming his critics.
In an unsurprising turn of events, Kumbli's 5 wicket haul was underbid by many times and the reserve price had to be reduced to 20 USD and this performance was bought by his brother, who has approached State Bank of Carnataka for a bridge loan to fund this purchase.
Adding to the drama were demonstrations by Green Cross, an NGO that has espoused the cause of wild life in Asia. Sunida who led the dharna, in a press release, said: 'The attitude of everyone, especially stupid little kids, has seen a paradigm shift ever since Symands was called a blue bison by Bajji. You should see these little brats at the zoo and at the national park, throwing things at blue bisons and shouting 'S y m a n d s ...Symands'.
Further confusion ensued as SRKK got delayed for his dance performance in the parliament as part of the Union Budget '09 session, which has become a regular feature of budget sessions over the last few years. The session had to be postponed by a day as a result.
"No point announcing the Budget today when nobody's going to watch it" said a morose Finance Minister. "Soni TV is telecasting Mohabbatein.v2 with two new Aiswaryarai facial expressions and Saharaa is playing Junoon reruns - who can compete with that? We really needed SRKK to boost TRPs. We are not happy. This year only cheque payment for SRKK- no 100 rupee notes will be flung at him when he dances in the parliament tomorrow", he boomed.
A bad day for SRKK but he is not KKing KKhan for nothing - watch this space.
- Our special correspondent