Genius uncut

Two things happened this past month that provided me genuine insight into a complex problem that mankind has been grappling with for many centuries now. The nature of genius. What constitutes genius? What makes an immeasurably talented blogger (me) a genius of a writer (me)? What makes Vishy Anand win a tournament? That's probably not a great example, he made some bad moves now and then. Let's focus instead on what made me win an under-16 Pune intra-school chess tournament at the tender age of 21 apart from a fake birth certificate.
The first insight I got was from Malcolm Gladell's 'Outliers'. His contention is that a genius has to first put in 10000 hours of hard work. I did that through my insightful and profoundly philosophical blog posts, of course. What separates me from the likes of Einstein, Bill Gates, Da Vinci and other such luminaries is not the fact that their genius was in any way inferior to my own, but the fact that I have achieved what I have on the internet, and those dudes definitely didn't have to compete with online porn! Also the now well-known fact that I'm pseudoanarchistcapitallibertarianistic with subtle rightwingy tendencies while they were not.
The second insight came when our very own Vishy Anand was crowned World Champion. This took me back to the days when I was playing pro-chess myself while solving relativity problems and watching Small Wonder on Star World all at the same time. I remembered the time when I, embarrassingly enough, played a novel opening move that had never been tried in the history of the game. If you must know, I tried to move my king.
What I'm really trying to say is that innate talent, which I have in excess, is never enough. If you think I just woke up one day a genius, think again. I also put in the hours. When my impulse was to unwind with some light reading like Kant or Kafka, I instead chose to blog incessantly about Rakhie Sawant. It's no wonder that my book turned out to be, in the opinion of one of blogosphere's stalwarts (again, me), the bestest book ever.
- Am it

Past Update

Hi
HR is in the process of updating your profile for our database. As you are aware, this is a six monthly process since we would like to always have the latest information about you in our records. Please fill in the following details. Explanatory notes have been added for your benefit.
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Mumbai was attacked sometime in the 2007-2008 period : Special Court

After a lightning trial conducted over a two year period, the special court found today that the city of Mumbai was attacked sometime in 2008. The court today attempted to put an accurate date on it with the help of the prime suspect, Kajmal Asab, as the country waited with bated breath. "The case has been going on for so long that I only remember bits and pieces of the incident", Kajmal said. The court refused to take his confession on record because his memory was 'unreliable'.
"However we have some good news. We have concluded that the city was indeed attacked. So there is no room for doubt on that front" the judge said. Defence put up a brave show claiming that the episode was a media-TRP conspiracy but lost in the face of piles of evidence and Kajmal's own testimony where he listed the lives he took and submitted photos taken from his cell phone camera.
"The next step is to open a line of communication with Pakistan to send us all the suspects to try. We have spoken to Ornab Goshwami of Times-New to do this. He's rounded up Gillani, their cricket board chairman and Meena, the model who got in trouble in Pakistan for bold photoshoots, to debate this handover process tonight" the judge said.

Attuned

4 pm : Scheduled start of concert. But it's in fact the scheduled start of tuning time.
4 pm - 6 pm : Adjustments of music instruments, mikes. 20 second bits of the songs that are going to be played in the concert
6 pm : Compere sent out to pacify irritated crowd.
Compere (Co) : Hello, Mumbaaaaaaaaaaai
Crowd (Cr) : Refund.
Co : Are you having fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun?
Cr : No. But hey, did you know there's a point in getting angrier and angrier when a person stops breathing? I'm somewhere there.
Co : I know we are a bit delayed but what the hell, it's going to be a wonderful night. We are gonna rock tonight. Aren't we, Mumbai?
Cr : Shadthefahkup
Co : I didn't hear you. Show me what you got Mumbaaaai. Are we gonna raaaaawck?
Cr : Hmm. No. But you're gonna suck.
Co : (Looking left) What about folks this side? You're very quiet tonight? Let me hear you. Put your hands together.
Cr : We want to try and put our hands together with your head in between.
Co : Is that all? Let's try one more time. Let's hear it for Mumbaaaaaaaaaaai.
A section of the crowd (Cr') now feels the tension of having paid a huge amount of money for the ticket. What if there's no concert? We better shout now and get our money's worth of forced enjoyment.
Cr : (reading the minds of Cr') No No No. Don't encourage her.
Cr' : (Feebly) Yeaaaaaaaaaaa
Cr : Dammit.
Co climbs the self esteem ladder i.e. goes from incredulity in being able to elicit a noise despite being completely talentless, to belief that this in itself was her talent
Co : (positively glowing) Thaaaaaaat's more like it. Once more. Aaaaare weeeee gonna rock it tonight? (points mike in the direction of Cr')
Cr' : Yeaaaaaa
Cr : Should we leave? Is there going to be a concert at all?
Co : (not pushing Cr') Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for Indipop's latest sensation...
Cr : It's about time.
Co : ...who will be here any minute now. Meanwhile, here's something for you for having been such a wonderful crowd tonight.
Much mindless handing out of freebies later, pop sensation arrives. Cr dreams up an ideal scenario...
Po : Am I laaaaaate?
Cr : Yeaaaaaaa!
Po : Should I redistribute my personal wealth amongst all of you for having sat through these torturous 4 hours?
Cr : Exclude Cr'. They seemed to be having fun.
Po : Should the organisers and the compere be starved for 2 days for boring the crap out of you?
Cr : Yeaaaaaaa! You rock!
Po : Without embarrassing all you gentlemen from good backgrounds, I want you to fling a couple of stones and old footwear at the organisers, the compere and at me. Be careful not to hurt me too bad coz' I have to perform (laughs nervously)
Cr start chanting 'we love you'
Po : Should I perform now?
Cr : Nooooooooooooo! Don't ruin it now. Best concert evvvvva!