Talks began at the apex meeting today between the Indian Prime Minister and Suneil Sharma, class leader, 7 'C', AP Public School at Hyderabad and sources say the students might call off the fast this evening, which would be one more feather in the PM's cap. This would be the thirteenth time in the last year that the PM has intervened and saved fasters' lives, in the process conceding five new states, a couple of new rivers, his private jet, besides agreeing to say 'Hail Sonya! Mere paas maa hai' at every meeting he attends.
To refresh readers' memories, the fifth new state was announced last month, splitting Bengal, as a preemptive move, when Rani Mukerjee was spotted fasting for her critically declaimed role in Dil Bole Kadippa. Students flunked Social Studies exams as a result and this resulted in stray rioting across the country. "Everyone knows we depend on map marks to pass", says Suneil, recalling the events of the last few months, "and we just can't remember 34 states apart from knowing where the metro cities, tigers and wheat plantations are in the country. The choice was either to get beaten at home or to go on a fast and that's what we've done"
Sources say the PM has agreed to knock off a few fundamental rights to make civics easier and this was well received by the student population.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Gurkanth Desai absurdity se nahin dartha...
GD :
Khada ho jaoon ya iske liye bhi license chahiye.
(har har)
Aap kehte hai main kanoon ke khilaaf hoon. 40 saal pehle ek aur aadmi tha jo kanoon ke khilaaf tha, aaj hum unko Bapu kehte hain.
(Oh my god, Gandhiji? Really? I guess it's better than appearing in the Mont Blanc campaign)
Unke waqt main ghulami kanoon tha, unhone naya kanoon banaya - humari azadi ka kanoon. Main bapu nahi hoon main bas apna dhanda karna janta hoon, mehnat janta hoon garibi janta hoon.
(So the analogy is gurkanth desai: Gandhiji::tax evasion:freedom struggle?)
Do kameez ek biwi aur ek saale le kar Bombay aaya tha, socha tha business karoonga. Yahan pahuncha to dekha ki dhande karne ke saare darwaze band the. Who khulte the to sirf ameeron ke liye. Sarkari darwaze the yeh aap ke banaye hue, ya to laat mar kar khulte the ya ji hazoori de ke. Maine dono kiya jahan laat mar sakta tha laat maari, jahan bola salaam do maine bola salaam lo.
(this is a confession? the case can be closed here?)
Aaj mujhe yahan khada kar ke aap log yeh kah rahe ki yeh aadmi itni laat kyon marta hai, sala salam bahut karta hai. Kis baat se naraz hai aap meri tarakki se ya meri tarakki ki tezi se ya isliye sab gussa hai ki ek mamooli ganwar ki had se aagey chala gaya hoon main
(is baat se naraaz hain ki aapki yeh speech ya tho irrelevant hai ya illogical, aur isse mera sar fod raha hai)
Aapne ilzaam lagaya hai na mujh par excise, custom, income tax ye tax woh tax.jab dhanda maine shuru kiya tha in sab shabdon ka matlab nahi janta tha
(ah,the 'ignorance of the law' approach)
kai baar gira hoon tab jaa kar seekha hoon. Paise bachane ke liye Payedhooni se 20-20 km chala hoon Kelasilk ka ye bada gadda sar pe dho ke. Paise ki keemat kya hoti hai main janta hoon, agar paisa ban sakta tha to maine banaya hai lekin sirf apne liye nahi apne 30 lakh shareholders ke liye bhi.
Panel: Aapke kuch 3 minute baaki hai
(you've gotta be kidding me!haaaalp!)
GD: Mere ko yeh golf khelna nahi aata, ye ghode ki race bhi nahi khelta hoon
(kaun kambakht poocha yaar yeh sab)
lekin apne dhande ka mazboot khiladi hoon main. Polyster banana janta hoon fibre, chemical woh bhi A1 quality ka sabse saste daam main. Yeh hai meri galti is liye maafi mangoon aap se?
(no, fool, read the charges. And we are asking you to go to jail, not apologise)
Petrol pump attendant tha main dabbe le ke ghoomta tha jaise apna desh haath faila ke ghoomta hai world bank ke aagey paise de do sadak banana hai.
(ridiculous analogy #n)
Kyon na badle kismet humari, humari aur humare desh ki, aap chahte hai main humesha petrol pump attendant rahoon. Humein kyon teesri duniya bulaya jaata hai humein bhi haq hai pehli duniya ban ne ka aur hum ban sakte hai. Hum wahan pahunch sakte hai woh upar top tak.
Yahan tak pahunchne ke liye bahut kuch khoya hai maine yeh haath khoye hai maine latka rehta hai sala. Aur jab tak yeh enquiry khatam hogi na jaane kya kya kho doonga main apni awaz, apna dimaag.
(abey kaunsa dimaag?)
Lekin ek cheez aap mujhse nahi cheen paoge woh hai meri himmat, woh nahi khoonga main. Kyonki meri himaat aam aadmi ki himmat hai, is desh ki himmat hai.
(oh boy)
aap log sab milke mujhe rokna chahthe hain na? main akele nahin hoon. mere saath poora desh hai. aur desh ko rokne ki taakat aap mein nahin hai. na hi aapke kaanoon mein. jo darwaze aap bandh rakhna chahthe hain, woh khul rahein hain.
(haan, jail ke darwaaze)
taang hada di humnein usme aur hamaari taang bahut mazbooth hai. Arey is desh ki tarakki par kaunsi enquiry bithayenge aap aur humein kaun si enquiry rok payegi. Aap ne mujhe 5 minute diya than a sadhe 4 minute main sab khatam kar diya. 30 second munafa yahi hota hai business aur agar iske liye bhi aap mujhe sazaa sena chahe to de dijiye Gurukant Desai saza se nahi darta.
(kya dialogue writer saza se dartha hai? poochke batana yaar...)
So the defense can be summarised as follows.
GD can't be convicted because
- the law keeps changing so it's not reliable to base convictions on it
- his offences have enabled other people to make money
- his courage is the country's courage and the common man's courage and to stop him means to stop the country and the common man, both of which are understandably infeasible.
- the motives of the panel are questionable - they want to punish him because they want the country to not progress, business to be difficult, to snatch his courage and are also allegedly upset by the fact that he was a poor villager/petrol pump attendant. They have, as always, covered up these real motives in a veil of jargon such as customs duty evasion and so on.
- he came to Bombay with his wife and brother in law and they knew as much law as the do kameez which also they carried.
- putting him in jail will amount to applying for a World Bank loan.
What is interesting is that the panel acquits him. And more interestingly, the movie was a hit.
Khada ho jaoon ya iske liye bhi license chahiye.
(har har)
Aap kehte hai main kanoon ke khilaaf hoon. 40 saal pehle ek aur aadmi tha jo kanoon ke khilaaf tha, aaj hum unko Bapu kehte hain.
(Oh my god, Gandhiji? Really? I guess it's better than appearing in the Mont Blanc campaign)
Unke waqt main ghulami kanoon tha, unhone naya kanoon banaya - humari azadi ka kanoon. Main bapu nahi hoon main bas apna dhanda karna janta hoon, mehnat janta hoon garibi janta hoon.
(So the analogy is gurkanth desai: Gandhiji::tax evasion:freedom struggle?)
Do kameez ek biwi aur ek saale le kar Bombay aaya tha, socha tha business karoonga. Yahan pahuncha to dekha ki dhande karne ke saare darwaze band the. Who khulte the to sirf ameeron ke liye. Sarkari darwaze the yeh aap ke banaye hue, ya to laat mar kar khulte the ya ji hazoori de ke. Maine dono kiya jahan laat mar sakta tha laat maari, jahan bola salaam do maine bola salaam lo.
(this is a confession? the case can be closed here?)
Aaj mujhe yahan khada kar ke aap log yeh kah rahe ki yeh aadmi itni laat kyon marta hai, sala salam bahut karta hai. Kis baat se naraz hai aap meri tarakki se ya meri tarakki ki tezi se ya isliye sab gussa hai ki ek mamooli ganwar ki had se aagey chala gaya hoon main
(is baat se naraaz hain ki aapki yeh speech ya tho irrelevant hai ya illogical, aur isse mera sar fod raha hai)
Aapne ilzaam lagaya hai na mujh par excise, custom, income tax ye tax woh tax.jab dhanda maine shuru kiya tha in sab shabdon ka matlab nahi janta tha
(ah,the 'ignorance of the law' approach)
kai baar gira hoon tab jaa kar seekha hoon. Paise bachane ke liye Payedhooni se 20-20 km chala hoon Kelasilk ka ye bada gadda sar pe dho ke. Paise ki keemat kya hoti hai main janta hoon, agar paisa ban sakta tha to maine banaya hai lekin sirf apne liye nahi apne 30 lakh shareholders ke liye bhi.
Panel: Aapke kuch 3 minute baaki hai
(you've gotta be kidding me!haaaalp!)
GD: Mere ko yeh golf khelna nahi aata, ye ghode ki race bhi nahi khelta hoon
(kaun kambakht poocha yaar yeh sab)
lekin apne dhande ka mazboot khiladi hoon main. Polyster banana janta hoon fibre, chemical woh bhi A1 quality ka sabse saste daam main. Yeh hai meri galti is liye maafi mangoon aap se?
(no, fool, read the charges. And we are asking you to go to jail, not apologise)
Petrol pump attendant tha main dabbe le ke ghoomta tha jaise apna desh haath faila ke ghoomta hai world bank ke aagey paise de do sadak banana hai.
(ridiculous analogy #n)
Kyon na badle kismet humari, humari aur humare desh ki, aap chahte hai main humesha petrol pump attendant rahoon. Humein kyon teesri duniya bulaya jaata hai humein bhi haq hai pehli duniya ban ne ka aur hum ban sakte hai. Hum wahan pahunch sakte hai woh upar top tak.
Yahan tak pahunchne ke liye bahut kuch khoya hai maine yeh haath khoye hai maine latka rehta hai sala. Aur jab tak yeh enquiry khatam hogi na jaane kya kya kho doonga main apni awaz, apna dimaag.
(abey kaunsa dimaag?)
Lekin ek cheez aap mujhse nahi cheen paoge woh hai meri himmat, woh nahi khoonga main. Kyonki meri himaat aam aadmi ki himmat hai, is desh ki himmat hai.
(oh boy)
aap log sab milke mujhe rokna chahthe hain na? main akele nahin hoon. mere saath poora desh hai. aur desh ko rokne ki taakat aap mein nahin hai. na hi aapke kaanoon mein. jo darwaze aap bandh rakhna chahthe hain, woh khul rahein hain.
(haan, jail ke darwaaze)
taang hada di humnein usme aur hamaari taang bahut mazbooth hai. Arey is desh ki tarakki par kaunsi enquiry bithayenge aap aur humein kaun si enquiry rok payegi. Aap ne mujhe 5 minute diya than a sadhe 4 minute main sab khatam kar diya. 30 second munafa yahi hota hai business aur agar iske liye bhi aap mujhe sazaa sena chahe to de dijiye Gurukant Desai saza se nahi darta.
(kya dialogue writer saza se dartha hai? poochke batana yaar...)
So the defense can be summarised as follows.
GD can't be convicted because
- the law keeps changing so it's not reliable to base convictions on it
- his offences have enabled other people to make money
- his courage is the country's courage and the common man's courage and to stop him means to stop the country and the common man, both of which are understandably infeasible.
- the motives of the panel are questionable - they want to punish him because they want the country to not progress, business to be difficult, to snatch his courage and are also allegedly upset by the fact that he was a poor villager/petrol pump attendant. They have, as always, covered up these real motives in a veil of jargon such as customs duty evasion and so on.
- he came to Bombay with his wife and brother in law and they knew as much law as the do kameez which also they carried.
- putting him in jail will amount to applying for a World Bank loan.
What is interesting is that the panel acquits him. And more interestingly, the movie was a hit.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Poha - a wife-daughter in law-her brother-his friend story
Veteran Amitab Bachan-film maker Balkee's ambitious new project was announced today at Juhu at the Big Bee's residence. 'This will be a touching tale of Jeya making omelette and the Big Bee rejecting it and asking for Poha instead' he said. 'It's inspired by my very astute observation one morning when I was breakfasting with the Bachans. I noticed that Jeya'd made omelette and Mr. Bachan rejected it and asked for Poha. I went back and googled for a medical disorder that would make a person reject perfectly good omelettes and instead found one where the patient is convinced that his inane observations are in fact, profound. Something to do with the temporal lobe - anyways, that's for my next film in which I would play the lead role myself'. Poha is a short 30 minute thriller to be shot with handheld cameras in the Bachan residence itself, the kitchen to be specific.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Nobama shatters 100m world record, runs a 9.49
When Usain Bolt ran a 9.58 at Berlin, the world assumed he would be the world's fastest man for a long time to come. Well, US President, Nobel Peace Prize and Miss Hawaii winner Parack Nobama, had other ideas. In a widely telecast speech yesterday at Chicago, he scorched the podium by clocking 9.49 seconds (wind assisted) as the whole world watched in disbelief.
The President started off in characteristic style, personifying Chicago repeatedly and making an impassioned plea to the International Olympic Committee to select it as the venue for the 2016 Olympics. Chicago will then be the home of new world records and new feats previously thought impossible, he said. Can man run 100 m in less than 9.5 seconds - yes, he can, yes, he can, he added to thunderous applause. There was a call from the IOC Chairman, who congratulated the President on his incomplete speech and moved by the contents, awarded the 2012 and 2016 Olympic Gold medals to him over the phone and gave him a timing of 9.49 seconds. The athletics fraternity is, however, skeptical about the time and has called for dope tests on the President and his speech writer, for which the official protocol is now being worked out. If they pass, poor Ussain Bolt will have to wait till 2020 to win back his gold medal.
The President started off in characteristic style, personifying Chicago repeatedly and making an impassioned plea to the International Olympic Committee to select it as the venue for the 2016 Olympics. Chicago will then be the home of new world records and new feats previously thought impossible, he said. Can man run 100 m in less than 9.5 seconds - yes, he can, yes, he can, he added to thunderous applause. There was a call from the IOC Chairman, who congratulated the President on his incomplete speech and moved by the contents, awarded the 2012 and 2016 Olympic Gold medals to him over the phone and gave him a timing of 9.49 seconds. The athletics fraternity is, however, skeptical about the time and has called for dope tests on the President and his speech writer, for which the official protocol is now being worked out. If they pass, poor Ussain Bolt will have to wait till 2020 to win back his gold medal.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
US aid goes to LETe directly, Zardarey sees red
The US Senate today approved a USD 2.2 bn donation to Pakisthan as part of their ongoing aid programme. But two conditions that they plan to enforce have left the Pakisthani PM Zardarey fuming. One, the donation will be in the form of thermonuclear warheads and two, these will be shipped directly to Leshkar E Teiba , now a banned government agency in Pakisthan. An analysis of the utilisation of the previous aid package revealed that a large chunk of the funds were used up in administrative costs and the beneficiaries, Al kaeda and LETe saw barely half the money allotted for the attacks they planned to carry out. PM Zardarey denied this and said he would take this up with the US President during his upcoming visit to the States.
Meanwhile, former civil servant and current head of LETe, Zaeed, who is credited with having masterminded the 26/11 attacks, was overjoyed at the US Senate's decision. "First good news all day" he said, after paying Rs 500/- when the Lahore HC decided that the 11th dossier of evidence from New Delhi was sufficient to incriminate him, and sentenced him to pay a fine.
Meanwhile, former civil servant and current head of LETe, Zaeed, who is credited with having masterminded the 26/11 attacks, was overjoyed at the US Senate's decision. "First good news all day" he said, after paying Rs 500/- when the Lahore HC decided that the 11th dossier of evidence from New Delhi was sufficient to incriminate him, and sentenced him to pay a fine.
Monday, September 7, 2009
Explanation
"Each person is different. For instance, you may be very different from me. And he may be different from you. She may be different from him. And he may be very different from her. It's natural that there are differences. That will always be the case. For instance, you two may agree on something but may be completely different in this aspect. What's more, the two of them may be different from you and so on and so forth etc etc etc. As I said, this cannot be avoided. Differences between two individuals are to be expected. You two may not be able to agree on something, for example...."
"See, that's the thing. Customers differ in their needs. One customer may not always be the same as another customer. In fact, in more cases than not, each customer is different. What I'm saying is that if you take one customer, let's say we take X, here. X is a customer. And then we take Y, here. Y is another customer. X will want something, for instance A. Just for the sake of example, mind you. I mean X may want B also, let's just assume he wants A. Now it cannot be said that Y will want the same thing. In fact Y will be very very different from X, you can take that from me..."
"Take the people sitting around this table, for instance. Let's say X here, goes to buy a car..."
Let's say X runs you over with it. The very different Y and his car, which is undoubtedly different from X's car, are hereby excused from appearing in this analogy.
"See, that's the thing. Customers differ in their needs. One customer may not always be the same as another customer. In fact, in more cases than not, each customer is different. What I'm saying is that if you take one customer, let's say we take X, here. X is a customer. And then we take Y, here. Y is another customer. X will want something, for instance A. Just for the sake of example, mind you. I mean X may want B also, let's just assume he wants A. Now it cannot be said that Y will want the same thing. In fact Y will be very very different from X, you can take that from me..."
"Take the people sitting around this table, for instance. Let's say X here, goes to buy a car..."
Let's say X runs you over with it. The very different Y and his car, which is undoubtedly different from X's car, are hereby excused from appearing in this analogy.
Friday, July 31, 2009
She was like a bad poem
watering the plants
on the highway
of my soul
in these lonely times
and not that many rhymes
she was like a bad poem
she was like a bad poem
she was like a bad poem
my heart skipping
and my mind skipping
and using identical words
as rhyming words
sunshine was my life
but she was a star
i miss her now
thinking about you
which makes it three people in this poem, technically
feeling the pain
my mind is numbing
am falling about you
there is nobody to pick
the pieces of me
loving this naked sun
and the crumbling earth
and the mooney moon
mooney mooney moon moon moon
lying in this bed
i think of you again
thinking thinking blogging
lonely woods beckon
the treasure at the end
could be you
but i wish you weren't
in a box
come back to me
i'm dying bit by bit
am chained to my fate
birds fly in the forest
of my fate
somebody save me
take me away
the least you could do
is take my net access away
on the highway
of my soul
in these lonely times
and not that many rhymes
she was like a bad poem
she was like a bad poem
she was like a bad poem
my heart skipping
and my mind skipping
and using identical words
as rhyming words
sunshine was my life
but she was a star
i miss her now
thinking about you
which makes it three people in this poem, technically
feeling the pain
my mind is numbing
am falling about you
there is nobody to pick
the pieces of me
loving this naked sun
and the crumbling earth
and the mooney moon
mooney mooney moon moon moon
lying in this bed
i think of you again
thinking thinking blogging
lonely woods beckon
the treasure at the end
could be you
but i wish you weren't
in a box
come back to me
i'm dying bit by bit
am chained to my fate
birds fly in the forest
of my fate
somebody save me
take me away
the least you could do
is take my net access away
Monday, July 27, 2009
'My attack was not racist': Aussie released
Rodney Stuart, the baseball bat-wielding Aussie goon, now famous for his serial attacks on Indian settlers, was released by the Melbourne State Court yesterday after a valiant five minute testimony.
'How was the attack racist? I didn't target Indians. I roughed up five people in the mall that day and I'm pretty sure there were some Pakis and others too' Rod slurred 'Hell, I see brown skin, I go maaaaaaaaad'
The judge, also vaguely of Indian origin, admitted this plea and said that the attack was unbiased and hence could not be called illegal in the strict sense. He let Rodney off with a stern warning 'Rodney, dude, if I see you near my house, I'll throw you in jail'
'How was the attack racist? I didn't target Indians. I roughed up five people in the mall that day and I'm pretty sure there were some Pakis and others too' Rod slurred 'Hell, I see brown skin, I go maaaaaaaaad'
The judge, also vaguely of Indian origin, admitted this plea and said that the attack was unbiased and hence could not be called illegal in the strict sense. He let Rodney off with a stern warning 'Rodney, dude, if I see you near my house, I'll throw you in jail'
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Mahim-Mahim Sea link open : Will take you to same place in 20 min flat
Starting today, you will be able to spend an extra 20 minutes on your way to office for no particular reason. MSDRC's unique solution to traffic snarls in Mahim - the 3000 cr, sprawling Mahim-Mahim Sea Link project, is being inaugurated today. The Sea link diverts traffic away from Sawarkar Marg, takes it away on a U-shaped road into the sea and straight back on to Sawarkar Marg. It's mandatory for odd and even numbered vehicles to take this detour on alternate days.
'It was an exhilarating experience', says Vineet, who tried the road this morning,'I re-entered the road from the sea link at 20kmph, skidded straight on and banged into the wall on the opposite side and am in Mahim police station now'. Mahim police have registered 300 such cases in the first 3 hours since the opening.
Urban Studies professor, Dr. Sawant sees this as the first step in the creation of marine suburbs in Mumbai, where travellers stuck in a jam for days together, turn the road into a colony and start living on it. The channa/moongphali vendors and mini-CCD that are already on the sea link tell us that this day is not far.
'It was an exhilarating experience', says Vineet, who tried the road this morning,'I re-entered the road from the sea link at 20kmph, skidded straight on and banged into the wall on the opposite side and am in Mahim police station now'. Mahim police have registered 300 such cases in the first 3 hours since the opening.
Urban Studies professor, Dr. Sawant sees this as the first step in the creation of marine suburbs in Mumbai, where travellers stuck in a jam for days together, turn the road into a colony and start living on it. The channa/moongphali vendors and mini-CCD that are already on the sea link tell us that this day is not far.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Why should consent be mutual? : Mrs Tiney
Wife of alleged rapist, Mrs Tiney today asked the press to fight for her husband who according to her has become a soft target for everyone. 'The other day there was this cabbie who charged him 200 bucks to go from the airport to Bandra. My husband's mild nature has made him a target' she said. When asked about his confession, she said they had been advised by their lawyer to pretend that never happened.
'He is not denying that the incident took place. All we are saying is that he gave his consent to it. That's how it works at our place. Some days I have a headache and he gives his consent and some days he is tired and I give mine. I don't understand what this mutual thing is' she added.
Meanwhile Batt films is planning a re-release of Tiney's earlier films with a tagline 'now based on a true incident'
'He is not denying that the incident took place. All we are saying is that he gave his consent to it. That's how it works at our place. Some days I have a headache and he gives his consent and some days he is tired and I give mine. I don't understand what this mutual thing is' she added.
Meanwhile Batt films is planning a re-release of Tiney's earlier films with a tagline 'now based on a true incident'
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Tareek pe tareek
Judge : Hain? Who do you want now as your defense lawyer?
Qazab : Arre that 'Damini' lawyer whatsisname. Suny Deol. Masth he is.
J : This is not some movie.
Q : (laughs heartily) I also want Kashmiri Pulao and Paneer Tikka on Fridays.
J : If you don't stop speaking now, I will have to rule...
Q : My laptop hangs a lot. I need some more RAM. Also the artillery I asked for to plan my escape is coming coming coming always but never reaches. I need softer bath towels, rainshower fitting, that coloured gel toothpaste, also some new stock (winks). Sorry Judge saab, I'm having to list everything here but nothing gets done in jail.
J : Er...let's get back to the trial. How old are you?
Q : When the trial started, I'm not sure, I have to see your records. But I'm now 16.
J : That means you were 10 years old when the attacks happened.
Q : (smiles) What attacks? I need some music in the cell. Also that weekend farmhouse cell in Khandala is maintained very poorly. My A/C's not working properly and...
J : Shadthefkup. Prosecutor, would you like to summarise?
Prosecutor : I have a suggestion, your honour. This trial is costing us crores to run. All my witnesses are hostile or dead. We should just let this one go.
Q : Mad or what? I refuse. I did not even agree to shifting to another jail in the same city 3 years back. I'll get creamed if I go out in the open.
J : Hmm. Now that's a promising idea. Let me think about it. Adjourned.
Qazab : Arre that 'Damini' lawyer whatsisname. Suny Deol. Masth he is.
J : This is not some movie.
Q : (laughs heartily) I also want Kashmiri Pulao and Paneer Tikka on Fridays.
J : If you don't stop speaking now, I will have to rule...
Q : My laptop hangs a lot. I need some more RAM. Also the artillery I asked for to plan my escape is coming coming coming always but never reaches. I need softer bath towels, rainshower fitting, that coloured gel toothpaste, also some new stock (winks). Sorry Judge saab, I'm having to list everything here but nothing gets done in jail.
J : Er...let's get back to the trial. How old are you?
Q : When the trial started, I'm not sure, I have to see your records. But I'm now 16.
J : That means you were 10 years old when the attacks happened.
Q : (smiles) What attacks? I need some music in the cell. Also that weekend farmhouse cell in Khandala is maintained very poorly. My A/C's not working properly and...
J : Shadthefkup. Prosecutor, would you like to summarise?
Prosecutor : I have a suggestion, your honour. This trial is costing us crores to run. All my witnesses are hostile or dead. We should just let this one go.
Q : Mad or what? I refuse. I did not even agree to shifting to another jail in the same city 3 years back. I'll get creamed if I go out in the open.
J : Hmm. Now that's a promising idea. Let me think about it. Adjourned.
Akmal's action cleared by biomechanics lab experts
Zaed Akmal's suspect bowling action was cleared by the biomechanics lab of Auztralian Institute of Sports according to their in-house lawbook exception 13(c) "if said chucker really really wants to get more turn". Biomechanics expert Richard Watson studied Akmal's action over 20 deliveries using 35 microcameras and the latest imaging technology. He concluded that the action was illegal in any form of any game but then Akmal's attitude was what turned the tide.
"Akmal wanted to get so much turn off even our flat pitch that he was forced to chuck really badly. When you want that much turn, you have no choice but to chuck. He has that same drive for results that Murali and Shoib had when they came here. Then came the tricky part. We needed to come up with a new scientific explanation for this almost-underarm action of his since we'd used hyperextension and the 15 degree logic too many times. I came up with one in an inspired moment - biosuperposition. Because at the end of the day, that's what this bloke's action does. It puts him and his team in a super position" said Watson, rounding off.
"Akmal wanted to get so much turn off even our flat pitch that he was forced to chuck really badly. When you want that much turn, you have no choice but to chuck. He has that same drive for results that Murali and Shoib had when they came here. Then came the tricky part. We needed to come up with a new scientific explanation for this almost-underarm action of his since we'd used hyperextension and the 15 degree logic too many times. I came up with one in an inspired moment - biosuperposition. Because at the end of the day, that's what this bloke's action does. It puts him and his team in a super position" said Watson, rounding off.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Management lessons from the Third Battle of Tumkur 1345 A.D.
This is the first part of a series where the author draws management lessons from all sorts of crap that happened such a long time ago that factual inaccuracy will not be noticed.
When Raja Kumbha invaded the Shaurya empire, he forgot to take along his army. He got caught and spent the rest of his life in the Shauryan prison which was only so-so but he managed.
Lesson : In a corporate setting, you should learn to adapt, especially if you are absent-minded.
The Shaurya empire, angered by Kumbha's feeble attempt, decided to acquire territories in Newfoundland and set sail on rough seas. The ships got screwed in storm after storm and the emperor Rudraveera was thrown overboard and he drowned.
Lesson : You should be a team player and a leader but swimming is an individual sort of activity.
Angered at the storm, Tungabhadra, the emperor's 8th wife, went to meet his brother Kudraveera . She described in lengthy poetic verse the storm that had killed the emperor. But Kudraveera married her by force and that was at the least the end of her mediocre poetry.
Lesson : When making a presentation, you should keep the audience in mind.
Kudraveera attacked and annexed large parts of North India. On a hunting expedition in a forest he encountered a group of tribals with swords and other weapons who attacked and surrounded him. He tried imitating them and making their sounds and they started clapping. Soon they adopted him as part of the tribe and he became one of them but one day they killed and ate him with green chutney and margarine.
Lesson : If you join a new organisation, you need to read up on its culture.
Kudra's son-in-law Pratap was a brave warrior, second to none. He shifted his capital from Ferozepur to Andhipatti and then back 4-5 times thereby killing most of his kingdom. He died of a rose essence overdose at the age of 97.
Lesson : A dead team is as good as no team at all.
Pratap left behind two sons each, from his two wives and there was no clear indication of who would succeed him. But, in his will, he had asked for his wealth to be divided according to a complicated formula based on seniority and many other variables. But he hadn't left behind much of anything to divide, so it wasn't a real problem.
Lesson : Succession planning is important but you should do other stuff too.
Pratap's eldest son, Bhootraj took on the mighty Malavi empire in the battle of Tumkur. His general Shoora was a 9 to 6 kinda guy and refused to fight beyond sunset. But Bhootraj insisted and Shoora obliged unwillingly, cursing under his breath.
Lesson : Screw your subordinates. They can't do anything
When Raja Kumbha invaded the Shaurya empire, he forgot to take along his army. He got caught and spent the rest of his life in the Shauryan prison which was only so-so but he managed.
Lesson : In a corporate setting, you should learn to adapt, especially if you are absent-minded.
The Shaurya empire, angered by Kumbha's feeble attempt, decided to acquire territories in Newfoundland and set sail on rough seas. The ships got screwed in storm after storm and the emperor Rudraveera was thrown overboard and he drowned.
Lesson : You should be a team player and a leader but swimming is an individual sort of activity.
Angered at the storm, Tungabhadra, the emperor's 8th wife, went to meet his brother Kudraveera . She described in lengthy poetic verse the storm that had killed the emperor. But Kudraveera married her by force and that was at the least the end of her mediocre poetry.
Lesson : When making a presentation, you should keep the audience in mind.
Kudraveera attacked and annexed large parts of North India. On a hunting expedition in a forest he encountered a group of tribals with swords and other weapons who attacked and surrounded him. He tried imitating them and making their sounds and they started clapping. Soon they adopted him as part of the tribe and he became one of them but one day they killed and ate him with green chutney and margarine.
Lesson : If you join a new organisation, you need to read up on its culture.
Kudra's son-in-law Pratap was a brave warrior, second to none. He shifted his capital from Ferozepur to Andhipatti and then back 4-5 times thereby killing most of his kingdom. He died of a rose essence overdose at the age of 97.
Lesson : A dead team is as good as no team at all.
Pratap left behind two sons each, from his two wives and there was no clear indication of who would succeed him. But, in his will, he had asked for his wealth to be divided according to a complicated formula based on seniority and many other variables. But he hadn't left behind much of anything to divide, so it wasn't a real problem.
Lesson : Succession planning is important but you should do other stuff too.
Pratap's eldest son, Bhootraj took on the mighty Malavi empire in the battle of Tumkur. His general Shoora was a 9 to 6 kinda guy and refused to fight beyond sunset. But Bhootraj insisted and Shoora obliged unwillingly, cursing under his breath.
Lesson : Screw your subordinates. They can't do anything
Friday, April 24, 2009
Meetings
1.
Looks ok. Average height. Oh, didn't notice the heels. Short. Fair.
'Should we order? What would you like to have? Coffee? Something to eat? I just had lunch, so I'll just have a coffee. That's ok with you, right?'
Talkative.
'Yeah, fine'
'I speak too fast no? I know I have that habit. What to do? You have a problem? You aren't saying anything?'
'No, no issues. So this your first meeting?'
'No, I met some guy last month. It was so weird...'
No, dude, don't switch off now, stay awake, hello? Gone. I regain consciousness but story is over by then
'So he didn't call. Why's this coffee taking so long? What about you? First meeting? What do you do by the way? I didn't ask. Sorry. Should have. So you live around here? You are silent. Did I say something wrong?'
Ears objecting to too many words going in. Time to pull out.
'Yeah, nearby. I had to be close to the hospital. Things have been quite bad after the syphilis diagnosis'
'Oh ok so my favourite is hazelnu...what diagnosis?'
----------------
2.
Looks decent. Shortlisting process is working well. Mandatory enquiries and pleasantries.
'I don't watch movies at all. I don't like movies. I think they are a waste of time'
Not good. More conversation.
'I read only non-fiction and management books'
Do I look like I want robots for kids? More inane small talk.
'Haaaan I think so that is correct'
Bad grammar also. Launch time.
'There's something I have to tell you. You will be a bit shocked but I hope it won't affect, you know, whatever we have...er. We were also shocked. I first thought it was just Madras Eye...'
----------------
Looks ok. Average height. Oh, didn't notice the heels. Short. Fair.
'Should we order? What would you like to have? Coffee? Something to eat? I just had lunch, so I'll just have a coffee. That's ok with you, right?'
Talkative.
'Yeah, fine'
'I speak too fast no? I know I have that habit. What to do? You have a problem? You aren't saying anything?'
'No, no issues. So this your first meeting?'
'No, I met some guy last month. It was so weird...'
No, dude, don't switch off now, stay awake, hello? Gone. I regain consciousness but story is over by then
'So he didn't call. Why's this coffee taking so long? What about you? First meeting? What do you do by the way? I didn't ask. Sorry. Should have. So you live around here? You are silent. Did I say something wrong?'
Ears objecting to too many words going in. Time to pull out.
'Yeah, nearby. I had to be close to the hospital. Things have been quite bad after the syphilis diagnosis'
'Oh ok so my favourite is hazelnu...what diagnosis?'
----------------
2.
Looks decent. Shortlisting process is working well. Mandatory enquiries and pleasantries.
'I don't watch movies at all. I don't like movies. I think they are a waste of time'
Not good. More conversation.
'I read only non-fiction and management books'
Do I look like I want robots for kids? More inane small talk.
'Haaaan I think so that is correct'
Bad grammar also. Launch time.
'There's something I have to tell you. You will be a bit shocked but I hope it won't affect, you know, whatever we have...er. We were also shocked. I first thought it was just Madras Eye...'
----------------
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Kakhi dumps second husband, readies for Season-2
In a press conference today, reality show diva Kakhi Jawant publicly dumped her second husband, Abhishek, citing personal reasons. Abhishek, who tied for first place in Season-1 of 'Kakhi ka Swayamvar' last year, is planning to sue the TV channel for divorce, sources say. Readers will remember that Kakhi had separated from Sanjay, the other winner/husband earlier this year. After last season's finale which saw Kakhi gushing 'I love you both. It's a tie' followed by a 3-way marriage amidst much fanfare, things did not quite go as planned in the Kakhi household. 'Every fight can't be settled with a dance-off' Kakhi had once told a journalist late last year.
Trade analysts feel this is just Kakhi's preparation for Season-2 of 'Kakhi ka Swayamvar' which will be a more socially acceptable show if she is single again.
Police meanwhile arrested 17 attendees of Kakhi's press conference for wearing a third chappal with malicious intent.
Trade analysts feel this is just Kakhi's preparation for Season-2 of 'Kakhi ka Swayamvar' which will be a more socially acceptable show if she is single again.
Police meanwhile arrested 17 attendees of Kakhi's press conference for wearing a third chappal with malicious intent.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Mumbai Run-down
Aamna protests Varoun Gandi's self-deprecatory speech
The Sivasena mouthpiece Aamna did a volte-face on the Varoun episode after he went overboard scolding and berating himself for his 'stupidasssss' speech against a particular community, which had incidentally been appreciated in the Aamna editorial. "What was I thinking? I should be beaten and mauled. I'm such a jackass" Varoun said yesterday in a press meet. Aamna lodged a protest with the Mumbai HC stating that Varoun should not insult himself as he represents more than himself - he is now the voice of the common rioter all over the country.
Varoun moves SC
In a rare display of emotion, SC Judge Balaiah broke down listening to Varoun Gandi's pathetic excuse that the CD of his inflammatory speech had scratches. This is the first time the SC has been visibly moved on this issue.
Aamna protests Freeda cover
Aamna created more ripples of controversy after the ugly Chaplin statue episode, by protesting against 'Dumbdog Millionaire' starlet Freeda Pintu's cover picture in 'Kaamwalibai' a housekeeping weekly famous in South Bombay. 'We don't want foreign talent in this area' the article said.
'Vote against Lead Hindustan' campaign successful
Mumbai came together as one voice on Marine Drive and demanded that there be no more election-related preaching in mainstream media, specifically targeting a leading daily, TOH. 'Is TOH forgetting their vision - to bring raunchy photographs to your doorstep at affordable prices?' thundered an ex-loyalist angrily. TOH was forced to concede and has promised to stop the campaign immediately.
The Sivasena mouthpiece Aamna did a volte-face on the Varoun episode after he went overboard scolding and berating himself for his 'stupidasssss' speech against a particular community, which had incidentally been appreciated in the Aamna editorial. "What was I thinking? I should be beaten and mauled. I'm such a jackass" Varoun said yesterday in a press meet. Aamna lodged a protest with the Mumbai HC stating that Varoun should not insult himself as he represents more than himself - he is now the voice of the common rioter all over the country.
Varoun moves SC
In a rare display of emotion, SC Judge Balaiah broke down listening to Varoun Gandi's pathetic excuse that the CD of his inflammatory speech had scratches. This is the first time the SC has been visibly moved on this issue.
Aamna protests Freeda cover
Aamna created more ripples of controversy after the ugly Chaplin statue episode, by protesting against 'Dumbdog Millionaire' starlet Freeda Pintu's cover picture in 'Kaamwalibai' a housekeeping weekly famous in South Bombay. 'We don't want foreign talent in this area' the article said.
'Vote against Lead Hindustan' campaign successful
Mumbai came together as one voice on Marine Drive and demanded that there be no more election-related preaching in mainstream media, specifically targeting a leading daily, TOH. 'Is TOH forgetting their vision - to bring raunchy photographs to your doorstep at affordable prices?' thundered an ex-loyalist angrily. TOH was forced to concede and has promised to stop the campaign immediately.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Azhruddin, Sunjay Dutt start 'clean politics' campaign
The Milan party may well be fielding the cleanest candidates this election, with Bollywood superstar Sunjay Dutt also joining his sister, breaking away from his prior loyalties. The party has an average count of 5 criminal cases per candidate which is one of the lowest this election. The party's overall split-up looks quite good, with party candidates, between them, storing 33 submachine guns, 350 tons RdX, throwing 56 cricket matches, killing or kidnapping or raping or beating up 45,456 victims overall, wiping out 7 entire villages, selling 35,678 pages of classified government information to friendly neighbours, and accepting 13,400 crore in bribe money (as per declared receipts). Taking advantage of these docile numbers are the party's star candidates, former cricketer Azhruddin and Sunju Dada who are launching a campaign on the 'clean politics' platform.
'Who would you like to bring to power, I ask you. On the one hand you have criminals who have more than 7-8 ongoing cases against them on an average, involving rape, murder, extortion and bribery. On the other, you have people like me and Sunju, who have less than 5-6 cases against us. I threw cricket matches for money and Sunju aided acts of terror. Is that something even worth remembering?' asked Azhruddin in a fiery rally speech. 'On my personal involvement in the match-fixing scandal, I just have this to say. I once offered Sachen and Sourav 4 crore to throw an important match and they refused. Did I insist? No. Instead, I tried to do whatever little I could with a duck, some dropped catches and terrible captaincy. That was the kind of man I was and am.' he said. 'And my rivals claim that match-fixing amounts to selling your country. The idea is laughable. There are so many other things in a country which can't be sold. And we always had the opportunity of winning matches where I didn't play due to some injury, didn't we? What's your reply to that?' he challenged.
'Who would you like to bring to power, I ask you. On the one hand you have criminals who have more than 7-8 ongoing cases against them on an average, involving rape, murder, extortion and bribery. On the other, you have people like me and Sunju, who have less than 5-6 cases against us. I threw cricket matches for money and Sunju aided acts of terror. Is that something even worth remembering?' asked Azhruddin in a fiery rally speech. 'On my personal involvement in the match-fixing scandal, I just have this to say. I once offered Sachen and Sourav 4 crore to throw an important match and they refused. Did I insist? No. Instead, I tried to do whatever little I could with a duck, some dropped catches and terrible captaincy. That was the kind of man I was and am.' he said. 'And my rivals claim that match-fixing amounts to selling your country. The idea is laughable. There are so many other things in a country which can't be sold. And we always had the opportunity of winning matches where I didn't play due to some injury, didn't we? What's your reply to that?' he challenged.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Briefing
9 - 10 am : brief miniboss on day's agenda, one-on-one
10 - 11 : gather dusty old papers, print emails which might be relevant for day's agenda
11-12 : miniboss briefed by site team on latest status
12-1 : miniboss, site team briefed by contractors on latester status
1-2 : lunch
2-3 : preparation for who says/does not say what, in meeting
3-4 : mini-boss briefs bigboss one-on-one
4-5 : site team briefs bigboss in presence of mini-boss
5-6.30 : all-party meeting : bigboss yells
6.30 - 7 : miniboss follow-up one-on-one with bigboss
7 - 8 : miniboss all-party follow-up meeting to interpret 5 pm meeting proceedings *
8 - 9 : miniboss briefs site team about how to follow up with contractors
9-10 : get briefed by miniboss one-on-one on how to follow-up with site team
10 pm : procrastinate dirty task of minuting the day's proceedings to next year
* Eg : "When big boss said 'get lost you idiots', what he actually meant was 'get drawing #673 ready in time for construction to proceed' " and so on...
10 - 11 : gather dusty old papers, print emails which might be relevant for day's agenda
11-12 : miniboss briefed by site team on latest status
12-1 : miniboss, site team briefed by contractors on latester status
1-2 : lunch
2-3 : preparation for who says/does not say what, in meeting
3-4 : mini-boss briefs bigboss one-on-one
4-5 : site team briefs bigboss in presence of mini-boss
5-6.30 : all-party meeting : bigboss yells
6.30 - 7 : miniboss follow-up one-on-one with bigboss
7 - 8 : miniboss all-party follow-up meeting to interpret 5 pm meeting proceedings *
8 - 9 : miniboss briefs site team about how to follow up with contractors
9-10 : get briefed by miniboss one-on-one on how to follow-up with site team
10 pm : procrastinate dirty task of minuting the day's proceedings to next year
* Eg : "When big boss said 'get lost you idiots', what he actually meant was 'get drawing #673 ready in time for construction to proceed' " and so on...
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
'The of Panama' has no takers
The saga of the Indian release of the Pierc Brosnan-Jamy Curtis starrer 'The Tailor of Panama' finally came to an end with the movie being withdrawn from theatres after a less-than-lukewarm reception from Indian audiences. The movie was released in India six years after its world-wide premiere and this was one of the reasons for the poor opening.
Distributors in the country released the movie after deleting the word 'tailor' in the title fearing a backlash similar to the 'Billu' episode. Analysts feel this may have affected the box office collections as the new title 'The of Panama' was a little too ambiguous for the average Indian movie-goer.
Distributors in the country released the movie after deleting the word 'tailor' in the title fearing a backlash similar to the 'Billu' episode. Analysts feel this may have affected the box office collections as the new title 'The of Panama' was a little too ambiguous for the average Indian movie-goer.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Muttalik, Tisha confess to foul play; TWC says don't rely on us
Raam Sena chief Muttalik and Tisha, the 'brain' behind the 'pink underwear' campaign confessed today to having stage-managed the entire Valentine's day episode every year to benefit a certain underwear manufacturer in South India, owned by Tisha's father. In a letter filed with SEBI, Tisha said, "I blame it all on the 2008 recession. People tend to repair existing chaddis rather than buy, in an economic downturn. End 2008 was when we got to know of Muttalik, who had won the 'Sathhyam young enterpreneur' award for his business plan of starting an extremist right wing party funded by mainstream media. Over many cocktails in Mangalore, we came up with a way of working together. He was supposed to create a ruckus about 'loose' women, which he did a bit too well, in fact. I would then start this campaign that would help us hit record sales of underwear and turn around dad's company, which also went exactly as per plan. The profits were housed in a shell company owned 50% each by Muttalik and myself. The business worked like a charm - these chaddis bought every year by faithful activists, got couriered to Muttalik, shipped back to the factory and recycled the next year. We did this every Valentine's day for 5 years and went public in 2014. We then started overstating chaddi sales to keep up with competition which had the advantage of uniform sales throughout the year. It was like holding the tail of a chaddi-less tiger, which you can't let go of. When the soiled 6-year old chaddis went again this year, people started smelling something. It was all downhill from there. I have to say that at no time did I siphon these chaddis for my own or Muttalik's use.'
When contacted, TWC, the statutory auditors of this company had this to say :'We aren't that good at audit really. Don't rely on us'
When contacted, TWC, the statutory auditors of this company had this to say :'We aren't that good at audit really. Don't rely on us'
Thursday, February 12, 2009
We will not allow 'greeting card companies' conspiracy day' celebrations : Muttalik
Raam Sena (RS) chief Muttalik stirred up yet another controversy at a rally yesterday in Bungalore. After creating a ruckus and courting arrest on Valentine's day earlier this year, the RS is now on to their next target.
Every year around this time, the entire nation eagerly awaits March 15th, celebrated as 'greeting card companies' conspiracy day' (GCCCD) to commemorate the same day in 2010 when Ballmark Inc. came up with the idea of 'general day' when people give cards to themselves for no apparent reason. For GCCCD is a day when everyone usually takes to the streets, drinking themselves silly and partying till dawn. Maybe not this year. At least not if Muttalik has his way.
'We think it is against Indian culture to come back home after dinner-time. I used to be caned to death if I entered my home after sunset' Muttalik reminisced fondly.'So if we see unrelated people out on Mothers' day, we will force adoption. If people get out on Friendship day, they will have to add me on facebook and compare movie taste with me. We have a plan for all these so called 'days'' he said.
Every year around this time, the entire nation eagerly awaits March 15th, celebrated as 'greeting card companies' conspiracy day' (GCCCD) to commemorate the same day in 2010 when Ballmark Inc. came up with the idea of 'general day' when people give cards to themselves for no apparent reason. For GCCCD is a day when everyone usually takes to the streets, drinking themselves silly and partying till dawn. Maybe not this year. At least not if Muttalik has his way.
'We think it is against Indian culture to come back home after dinner-time. I used to be caned to death if I entered my home after sunset' Muttalik reminisced fondly.'So if we see unrelated people out on Mothers' day, we will force adoption. If people get out on Friendship day, they will have to add me on facebook and compare movie taste with me. We have a plan for all these so called 'days'' he said.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Dany Boil to make movies about all the Indian cities he's heard of
Stunned at the success of his first movie about India, Dumbdog zillionaire, director Dany Boil has promised to make 183 sequels about various Indian towns and cities. Except that they will all be the same.
'I love you, Mambaai', he cried, at a press conference in Hyderabad, where he made this announcement. 'Seeing the warm reception my movie's got, I've decided to release this, world-wide, again and again over the next few months. What will be different is that the pre-release marketing hype will take the name of a different town each time, to get the western world to watch the same movie repeatedly. Also we have added some facial expressions to the lead character Dev Pateil in some versions. Dumbdog zillionaire -2,3,4,5,6 which are supposedly based in Indore, Nagpur, Surat, Cuttack and Madurai have all been released and are runaway hits in the States. People all over the world are finally appreciating how diverse a country Mambaai is' he said, beaming.
This was followed by a video of a New York theater screening of Dumbdog-3 (Nagpur) showing a visibly moved audience. 'Nagpore is such a colourful city. I never knew Pakistan had such towns' gushed one member of the audience.
'I love you, Mambaai', he cried, at a press conference in Hyderabad, where he made this announcement. 'Seeing the warm reception my movie's got, I've decided to release this, world-wide, again and again over the next few months. What will be different is that the pre-release marketing hype will take the name of a different town each time, to get the western world to watch the same movie repeatedly. Also we have added some facial expressions to the lead character Dev Pateil in some versions. Dumbdog zillionaire -2,3,4,5,6 which are supposedly based in Indore, Nagpur, Surat, Cuttack and Madurai have all been released and are runaway hits in the States. People all over the world are finally appreciating how diverse a country Mambaai is' he said, beaming.
This was followed by a video of a New York theater screening of Dumbdog-3 (Nagpur) showing a visibly moved audience. 'Nagpore is such a colourful city. I never knew Pakistan had such towns' gushed one member of the audience.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Mumbai runs for adequacy
Thousands thronged to run the 2010 edition of the Mumbai marathon as lakhs watched. The event was dominated by the Kenyans as usual, with Kennet Mugar running the 42 km stretch twice over before participants from any other country could even complete the race.
The city of Mumbai chose 'Enough!' as its theme for this year's race. This was a reference to the excessive media coverage of the attacks on Mumbai over a year ago. The city believes that media channels are exploiting the attacks by telecasting insensitive or bogus 'human interest' stories. CDTV, for instance, celebrated the 13 and a half - month anniversary by conducting a live panel discussion involving the aam mumbaikar called 'Should Mumbai remain silent?' which turned out to be a damp squib because Mumbai was, in fact, silent.
'Attacks dhikhana chhodo, kuch tho kaam karo' was the slogan of choice of the runners. The city has clearly had enough and it's time the channels looked for new content.
The city of Mumbai chose 'Enough!' as its theme for this year's race. This was a reference to the excessive media coverage of the attacks on Mumbai over a year ago. The city believes that media channels are exploiting the attacks by telecasting insensitive or bogus 'human interest' stories. CDTV, for instance, celebrated the 13 and a half - month anniversary by conducting a live panel discussion involving the aam mumbaikar called 'Should Mumbai remain silent?' which turned out to be a damp squib because Mumbai was, in fact, silent.
'Attacks dhikhana chhodo, kuch tho kaam karo' was the slogan of choice of the runners. The city has clearly had enough and it's time the channels looked for new content.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
It was like being ridden by Raju : Tiger
A young Bengal tiger that escaped the Hydrabad city zoo yesterday in the wee hours of the morning was rounded up and interviewed by journalists in the outskirts of the city.
'It was a terrible state of affairs at the zoo. There was corruption at every corner. We must be the only tigers in the world to survive on grass-feed. But the audited accounts indicate daily non-veg. Even the number of tigers in the zoo is far lesser than the 30 that the books claim. I had a nightmare last week that Sadhyam's Chairman, Ramaraju takes over the zoo and rides me around with a whip. I woke up in a cold sweat. I interpreted this to mean I should no longer be a victim of corruption and went about planning my escape', it growled
'It was a terrible state of affairs at the zoo. There was corruption at every corner. We must be the only tigers in the world to survive on grass-feed. But the audited accounts indicate daily non-veg. Even the number of tigers in the zoo is far lesser than the 30 that the books claim. I had a nightmare last week that Sadhyam's Chairman, Ramaraju takes over the zoo and rides me around with a whip. I woke up in a cold sweat. I interpreted this to mean I should no longer be a victim of corruption and went about planning my escape', it growled
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